My brain is currently on vacation. It left sometime last Friday, about 1:20pm, I think. Spring Break, so far, has been nothing special to speak of. That's not completely true. Yesterday was lovely, and Saturday was nice too. I have had a good time. It's just not flying to Barcelona or tripping around Rome in a pair of espadrillas, a flowered sundress, and a large, floppy straw hat. That's probably a good thing though, as I don't speak a bit of Italian. The only Italian words that I know are those that are related to The Olive Garden. Maybe I should eat there more often. Mmm... eggplant! Nah, I really like my grandma's eggplant spaghetti better. Besides, I'd rather go camping right now than hop across the pond.
I don't drink nor do I plan on drinking, but I feel like I understand, at least a little bit, what a hangover must feel like. I am fairly certain that mine is caused by a combination of elevated blood sugar and sleep deprivation. Again last night, I stayed up until about 3:00 in the morning watching season one DVDs of Dead Like Me with Sister and Brother. Certain amounts of ice cream and soda were consumed as well. Oh, the throbbing pain of idiocy. I slept a little bit late, so perhaps it won't be too big a deal.
Perhaps getting out and running would alleviate some of the pain. That and drinking more water. It isn't raining today as it has been for the past few. I very much hope that it remains sunny and dry so that I can go hiking. Plans to drag the siblings, BBB, and whoever else I can get to come along have already been formulated. But, not today. It will still be too wet. There is also cleaning and packing to be done here at home. In a little less than a month now, BBB and I will be on our own. Exhiliration and anxiety.
Our apartment will be my third move within the past year. It seems like it has been longer since Helen went home, and still not that long at all. I haven't been out to visit, or called her niece or brother-in-law. I do want to, but I don't have any clue what to say, other than to tell them that I'm moving... again. *sigh* It seems that the changing of address kind of mimics what's happening in other areas of my life. I feel quite fluid right now. There are a few fairly stable factors at play (same job; still keeping in constant contact with my family; my best friend and I are still friends and neither has dismembered the other, yet). There is just a desire to root somewhere. Not a physical place. I have a sneaking suspicion that some might say I am "looking for myself." I don't know if that's a bad way to look at it, but I do feel a little lost to myself. What do I believe and why do I believe that? Who am I in the context of my relationships? Do my relationships define who I am?
One thing that I do know, as certainly as I can know anything, is that my relationship with my Redeemer has defined me in a different way, redefined me. He has made me better than I could ever be on my own. If we had to wear our souls for our bodies, I can guarantee you that mine wouldn't be a very pretty sight. But it looks exceedingly better than it used to. A redeeming work through the blood of Jesus Christ has wrought this soul into something much more comely than it's previously gnarled, scarred, and jagged self. All I could do was cry out. He gave the grace. I received the forgiveness.
Disclaimer: As introspective as this may sound, I'm still a total garbanzo bean. But I know that you love me anyway! (well, you didn't have to make that face, hmph!)
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