Chill in air
and frosty lips
speak middle words
of death advancing.

Death from life;
the embers fade,
by cold embraced
fading to gray.

Life will return
with vigorous growth
but wait now
by warm hearth.

Of Autumnal Tillage

My youngest sister is a magical woodland creature...

After church this morning I was able to kidnap my youngest sister and bring her over for lunch. We both had a grilled cheese tortilla, though hers was cooked a little too long and darkened. She said she didn't mind and devoured it anyway. I finished off the delicious chicken noodle soup that Zack brought over on Friday. Sissy had a glass of sweet tea with lemon juice and a key lime pie yogurt with her grilled cheese tortilla. Then she and I watched The Spiderwick Chronicles while I did some work on the computer.

When my roommate got back she also took some pictures of me in the front yard, at my vain behest, followed by Sissy and I tromping down the street to visit the two felines we befriended last Sunday. We only stayed a little while, but long enough for the black kitten to get a few good "sneak" attacks in our hands and the older orange tabby to contentedly rest in Sissy's lap while she found the petting spots that made him happily stick his tongue out and squinch his eyes.

Our visit to our furry acquaintances was brief. The brevity was due to the need to return home so I could get more studying in for my Mamm Phys test. I have approximately 16 hours until my test. *gulp* My hope is that the hours I have left to study will be fruitful ones and I will be adequately prepared.

Prayers always appreciated. Thank you!

Disease state of the soul?

The concepts seem tied, but that could be my I-went-to-sleep-early-and-woke-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-feel-potentially-more-lucid-than-I-actually-am thought process at work.



RELEVANTmagazine.com article on Gluttony

Cayenne I help you?

That same soreness was still in my throat when I woke up this morning. The cough had gotten worse. So I went out to the living room and started watching Enchanted with the roomie and her kids, or at least what was left of it. Two cups of coffee and a slice of cold pizza later the movie was over. A brief intermission occurred and then Spanglish was put in the movie playing machine. Having only watched it once before, I forgot how much I like that movie.

Instead of having another slice of pizza I heated up a bowl of the chicken soup that Zack brought over last night when he and Diane came over for an evening of Canadian comedy and oven-baked pizza. Wow! ¡Sopa deliciosa y picante! So good. Me thinks it has helped my sinuses open up too. It had spiral noodles, celery, onion, garlic, and other seasonings as well. Mmm... Campbell's can't beat it.

I'm looking forward to being well again. Inspiracion:

Hope from yllcn on Vimeo.

:::EDIT:::
Another funny video, to help improve your cookie eating technique: ROCKETBOOM'S Interview with The Cookie Monster

Quiet, still, quite still

Being home sick can be quite refreshing, not that I enjoy missing work or school due to illness. However, just having a day to rest, refresh, and be renewed is a blessing.

The decision to remain at home came after waking up at 6 o'clock this morning, taking the dog out, and dragging the refuse to the corner. Once I got back inside I realized that my throat felt like tiny little creatures had crawled in during my slumber and taken a coarse grain sandpaper to its walls. *cough, cough* Some abdominal soreness was enough to convince me that a day of rest was probably in order. Though, in honesty, the abdominal soreness could likely be due to the crunches I've been doing to try strengthening my back and core.

So far today I've emailed my professors with apologies for being absent, checked my Facebook account to find that my best friend has started a profile (and we're officially friends on Facebook :), listened to some of my favorite classical and Romantic period music, received a new haircut from my roommate before she left for work, and given an ear to my friend Jeff's songs. His music is worth recommending. The new Christmas songs that he and his friend Drew have been working on are quality. But don't take my word for it: http://www.myspace.com/jeffharte

Now the plan is to shower, drink a glass or two of water, and try to get a few hours more of sleep in. Later on I'll probably spend some time reading a new book my sister lent me, The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman with illustrations by Dave McKean. Some quiet time with Jesus will definitely be going on too. Then studying for my exam in Mammalian Physiology that is next Monday.

Have I mentioned how happy I am? Last night Zack and I hung out for a few hours and went walking around his neighborhood. Just talking with him and spending time with him brings me joy. I'm looking forward to what will come, but also trying to enjoy and be thankful for the here and now. May I be as good to him as he is to me.

speak easy, listen hard

This afternoon, instead of working in the biology office as I’ve been doing the last few weeks, I was able to work with my boss on some of the projects he needed to take care of: inoculating some nutrient broth test tubes with Bacillus, Serratia, and some other bacterium as well as checking inventory against the database. I love working in the biology department! Before we actually got to the tasks awaiting us we just spent some time talking in his office, which is another one of the things that I really enjoy about my job (it’s never dull working with Bob). Our conversation started with just the basic fair but after a short time we were talking about faith and trusting God. Some of the things that really stuck with me were the questions that we’ve both had come up about bad things happening to good people, being more Christ-like, and the verse that says something about going into a closet to pray.

After walking with Jeannine tonight, God laid something on my heart that was a culmination of a few conversations I’ve had the last few days, all leading into the importance of keeping communication open with God.

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness” Jeremiah 31:3

Lovers usually don’t yell at each other across a room but instead get close and speak softly to each other. When speaking with this loved one, you intentionally incline yourself toward that other person so you can hear what they’re saying and really listen to what they’re trying to tell you, listening with everything that you can so you get the full message and provide feedback. Your intent interest shows in your posture, gestures, and the reactions to what the other person says. God pursues us and wants to be in relationship with us; He pours out blessings and leaves little notes and hints, small gifts to remind us that we are loved and cared about. Sometimes they’re not overt or they’re confusing and we won’t understand what He’s trying to get across unless we slow down, focus ourselves on this conversation with our soul’s Lover and listen intently, soaking up not just the words but all that we can of Who is directing His love toward us.

Awed by the alliteration

The student who needed help with Anatomy & Physiology has not shown up yet, though we were supposed to meet about 25 minutes ago. In order to suppress mild vexation I decided to see it as an opportunity to work on my flash cards for Mammalian Physiology and play on the internet a little longer. *contented grin*

So, I figured I'd share the new Showbread video, along with the lyrics, for "Lost Connection With The Head" off their new album, The Fear of God.

Showbread "Lost Connection With The Head" Music Video from Showbread on Vimeo.

oh lord i'm sick of myself
i'd rather bury it than carry it
i'm desperate for help
and barely sentient means just being me
follow suit the destitute my modus operandi
a face that's marked by pallor means you're wasting away
so get a tan and raise your hands and take to feeling okay
no one enjoys the party when they're stricken with anemia
and i'm a shallow sinking surface simply screaming septicemia

peace of mind is hard to find
so i'm standing in line and feeling fine

aye me, sad hours seem long!
and even longer when you're numb
fading away and that's okay
cause life has me under her thumb

i'm languorously open ended
and the endings no good
i've been told to break the mold and i would if i could
but apathy is easier than caring at all
and the undulating nothingness means having a ball
incredibly impressive and bereft of concern
lobotomized and optimized and then i'm ready to burn
and i'm at war within myself and self is winning the fight
cause feeling like no one at all means feeling alright

sense of purpose has got me feeling worthless
and i'm fading away, but that's okay

oh yeah, all right
i'm in a big fat cage and feeling free
that's okay , that's all right
cause that's all that's left of me

goodbye, goodnight
that's all that's left of me

(from their website: www.showbread.net)

"Fading away, but that's okay... "

This rainy Tuesday afternoon finds me awaiting a potential tutee in the Student Center, across from the "We Proudly Brew Starbucks" coffee shop of sorts. It's been a pleasant time though as my friend Brandon stopped by for a chat. I was able to share a new Showbread video with him (somewhat, though the lyrics were indistinguishable) and he shared a new site for books with me. He and his wife are AMAZING people, truly!

He also mentioned that I hadn't posted a blog in a while, which is true, so I thought the time left until said student arrives would work as a window to post a few brief thoughts.

...

School is going well -- I still need to make some flash cards for two classes, but so far, so good.

Zack brings much joy into my life -- he left a sweet text message the other day when he wasn't able to call. I'm looking forward to spending more time with him. C:

That's a wrap for now.

Face gone

Technically last night now, I got to see Showbread for the first time live! Not disappointed in any way. The other bands were pretty great too:

Calling The Shots

The Gallery

Goodnight Caulfield

It was terrific, the bomb diggity. I'm grateful for those guys from Georgia.

^_^

Another RELEVANTmagazine.com slices find:

Loss

Life doesn't have the grace to play the first few chords of a Jeff Buckley song when everything is about to change drastically. The lighting isn't perfect either, nor every element properly framed. There are no cue cards or marker tape to guide you to your spot.

God gives the grace that brings that friend by your side who is there no matter what, sunshine or rain. God's grace offers the most awful jokes at the most opportune time when they're precisely what's needed. It's in His grace that the hand of a friend extends to hold yours and she listens to whatever you need to say, and just listens, sharing what the Holy Spirit is whispering between your intertwined fingers. His grace brings comfort and peace amidst the turmoil that life has chucked your way.

(This was written about a month and a half ago when a friend lost her mom.)

it's coming...

The 7th Anniversary of thehouse is in one week.

^_^

http://www.thehousenlr.com

my sister is wonderful!

She listened to me whinge yesterday, helped me reorganize a bit in my new room, let me stay the night with her at the risk of her own health, bought me a box of this nasty fizzy drink called Emergen-C, and gave me plenty of tea to ameliorate my sore throat. Anything else aside, terrific runs somewhere in the family and a few people have it in spades. She's one of them.

not chicken

We had a Catalyst meeting Sunday afternoon which was good - everybody was tired, but it always feels nice to get in there and hear everyone's ideas, to feel a part of what God's doing through these people to make a difference and reach young adults in our metro area. It's exciting planning the 7th anniversary coming up too. Lunch was provided and it was catered from Moe's - yum! There were steak or chicken burritos, white cheese dip, salsa, and chips as well as water to drink. My plate consisted of some cheese dip and salsa with chips as well as a chicken burrito that I didn't finish all of. Since there were leftovers Rach encouraged us to take some home. Following orders I grabbed two chicken burritos and a steak burrito. My grandma and sister each had a chicken burrito when I got to their house which left me a steak burrito this evening. I've been feeling funky, but not like a chicken.

~~@~~ - ~~@~~ - ~~@~~

The past few weeks have been so busy that I feel as if my time doesn't belong to me, which normally doesn't bother me. However, every so often every little thing that people say or do becomes an affront to me, rubbing me absolutely wrong and inciting my ire. It can take a day or so for decompression to take place when it wasn't always like this. A funk just settles over me and leaves me cranky like an old moving picture camera. Failure seems to add fuel to the fire; my personal limitations and stumbles lend a sense of fatality and bitterness that ends up stewing inside and spewing out on anyone who mildly offends me, especially those close to me or those who I already have a tenuous relationship with.

Vent, vent, vent.

To boil it down -- I want less of me, to fall out of love with me and my cares. In following Christ, I must decrease and He MUST increase. That's where the breakdown really ends up being found, when I don't keep putting Christ first and seeking His will in my life. Self control, compassion, and honoring others is so much more important; those people I've been hurting when I'm in this funk are worth SOO much more than my comfort or making myself feel good.

There is tomorrow and the hope Jesus Christ brings in that.

God rescued us from dead-end alleys and dark dungeons. He's set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much, the Son who got us out of the pit we were in, got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating. Colossians 1:13-14

overcomin'

On Saturday nights at thehouse, the young adult service at First Assembly of God in NLR, Pastor Randy has shared two messages so far in a series called "Overcome." One of the main scriptures is Revelation 12:11, a strong verse that talks about those who belong to God overcoming Satan, their accuser:

"They defeated [overcame] him through the blood of the Lamb
and the bold word of their witness.
They weren't in love with themselves;
they were willing to die for Christ." (The Message)

Friday night I was zoinked after a long day of school, work study, Deaf Den (Deaf church service), t-shirt party and then running errands with my dad. Sadly, when I'm tired I don't try nearly half as hard to keep a reign on my words or attitudes. I got into it with my dad and was offended by whatever he said and took it all personally. Even while I was bickering with him I was apologizing for being so tired and argumentative. Psh. I was being an emotive slacker.
On the drive back to my dorm after dropping my dad off I was frustrated with myself for not keeping things in check, for letting loose my grouchiness on my dad, and for other general missteps of recent. "I'm just feeling like I'm not cutting the mustard, God. I keep messing up and not living up to who You have called me to be, to all I can be in You. I'm stubborn and thick-headed, Papa. Please teach me how to live like You've called me to, to show Your grace and love."
I got back to the dorm and decided that I would just brush my teeth, pray, and sleep since I was so exhausted. Then as I started reading it felt like God spoke something to me through that verse.

"You need to remember Whose you are and who you are in Me."

I had been kind of arguing that things people were saying to me made me feel like I was stupid or inferior. God was reminding me that what other people say is not important (which I think most people know, but it's hard to remember), even what I say about myself isn't important, but what's important is what God says about me.

1. Remember Whose you are

They overcame by the blood of the Lamb - as Pastor Randy said tonight, it's because of Jesus' power that they overcame. In our separation from God, Jesus chose to be obedient to His Father and offer His life as a spotless sacrifice, acceptable as the only alternative for us since we can't make that kind of sacrifice. By His grace through my faith I belong to Him, the One who created all the things I can see and the things I can't see.


2. Remember who you are in Him

God says that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation (2 Cor 5:17) and that He has given us everything that we need to live the life He desires for us, His abundant, overflowing, and overcoming life (2 Peter 1:3, John 10:10). It's no small deal to Him either - He adopted me and calls me daughter, a child of His, grafted into the vine. He also says there is NO thing that can separate us from His love.


3. This life is not it

I won't be around to complain in 100 years about the argument my dad and I had last night. However, today, next year, and in the longer run I can make a difference when my words, thoughts, and actions are those that reflect God's love and show people that He's real and active in my life and wants to have a relationship with them. People are hungry for the hope that God offers. My prerogatives and selfish desires pale in the light of God's calling on my life.

Renee Yohe

2-3 weeks out

Finals are doing what they seem to be good at this time of year - looming.

I've been up and down with sleep and sickness, plans and good times, as well as low points these few weeks past. Despite exhaustion, sleep isn't coming easily. That's changing. Sleep will come. I'm trusting for that. Now to just try to pull some of these drowning grades up.

On Today, it was a good one. I'm feeling MUCH better after going through hopefully the worst of this upper respiratory infection for the last week or so. I drove to and from my sister's college twice which was actually pleasant because

• I was able to listen to the "Talons," the EP from DIES that I borrowed from Jeff
• the conversation with my sister is amazing - I love that girl!
• when she got in the car I switched DIES for classical Chinese music to accommodate her musical tastes - another good listen
• the weather was beautiful for being outside
• driving her to my college means that once she graduates this May with her BA then she'll be coming over here!

She's so smart. She'll be working on her second BA, this one in Studio Art. We may also be flatmates sharing on-campus housing with two other people, my current roommate and a friend from sign language class.

This afternoon I got a little work done, cleaned up some, and spent some much needed quiet time with G-d. I've been in need of guidance and peace, but I was going and running without taking time to be still. He definitely restored me this afternoon - physically and spiritually. Thank you, Lord; i needed that.

The later hours saw me meeting my best friend at the downtown farmer's market for dinner - some tasty Greek cuisine for me, Thai for D. After finishing dinner we took a lovely walk to a local library for a chamber music show. It was beautiful!

Dinner, a calm walk, and chamber music - who needs a boyfriend when you have a bestie like D? Yeah, she might slap me for that, all the "boy" talk she's heard from me over the years. She listens to so much. I'm thankful for a friend like her and glad that she listens to me go on when I have a crush or infatuation. She has been my solace many times.

Final aside - Pandora.com is great. You can create customized radio stations based on artists/songs you like. They play music with similar qualities and you can further customize it by adding other artists/songs to the same station or starting another station and by voting up/down the songs they play. I've enjoyed discovering a lot of music I had not heard before. Two new favorites are some film scores by Danny Elfman and a band called Akissforjersey.

Hater was my word

I am interested in words and etymology. Learning the original meanings, roots, and history of words almost seems like an adventure in the vein of Indiana Jones, but on a smaller, more bookish level. When I find a new word or learn something new about a familiar one I sometimes adopt it for a week and sprinkle it in my conversation to get to know it better, get a feel for it.

Hater was my word for a week and I'm not sure why. I didn't use it often, but more than I normally would. It's use was usually in a jovial manner with friends to mark a point of contention or disagreement. An example could be the text conversation between a friend and myself:

Kev: How ya doing?
Me: I'm tired. Moved into the dorms today. Need a nap and some Starbucks! :D
Kev: Starbucks is the devil.
Me: Whatever, hater!

Kevin and I aren't very close friends, but we joke around a lot when we do talk. It was a random conversation void of hard feelings. Nothing was meant poorly toward Kev by my choice of words.

~~@~~ | ~~@~~ | ~~@~~

While cleaning test tubes during work study I was listening to an audio book by Cathleen Falsani, Sin Boldly: A Field Guide for Grace. I've made it through Chapter 10 so far and don't think there is much more to go. She is a journalist and a writer on religion. In one of the chapters she mentioned one article that she wrote, among others, that drew her considerable amounts of hate mail mostly from those professing a like faith in Jesus Christ. They called her names, questioned her journalistic credentials and even her faith.

There are times when I am a hater, like those who attacked this writer through email. In the comfort of my opinions and limited self-knowledge, often without empathy for the other party, I lay down some heavy-handed words that probably serve to hurt much more than teach or encourage. This isn't the way I'm supposed to live. Jesus isn't making me into a hater; that's not His nature born in me, but something I've been holding onto.

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth.
Say only what helps, each word a gift.
Don't grieve God. Don't break his heart.
His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life,
making you fit for himself.
Don't take such a gift for granted.
- Ephesians 4:29-30 (The Message)

~~@~~ | ~~@~~ | ~~@~~

NOOMA videos are amazing. I've only watched a few, but I really like the way that Rob Bell speaks and illustrates what is said in the Bible. The one I watched on YouTube was Rain. He was telling of a walk he took through the woods with his young son when it started to rain and storm. The connection was that when rain and storms come in our lives, God is right there and says that He will walk through them with us, holding us close. He mentioned Deuteronomy 1:31 - "There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."

Rob went on to say that it's not a question of whether storms come in our lives, it's a fact. It rains in our lives and it does it a lot. In the church we sometimes act like we must have everything together before coming to God, that He desires followers who are complete and whole. As Rob pointed out, it's almost the opposite. Jesus said that He didn't come for those who were well, but like a physician to those sick and in need. God calls us to bring our junkie, torn-up selves to Him and trust Him, cry out to Him, and He will answer and save us.

Matthew 9:11-13

Psalm 55:22
1 Peter 5:7
Lamentations 3:56-58

~~@~~ | ~~@~~ | ~~@~~

There are times when hater could still be my word, but I want to change it and embrace the word Jesus has for me, the moniker fitting one who follows Him. It's probably not wholly summed in one word, but it's definitely painted with many shades of love and kindness. Love is what is supposed to mark me as a child of God, the love that I cultivate for my heavenly Father and my brothers and sisters in Christ. With all the love that I've been shown by Love Himself, how could I not share that with others? It's my calling.

My thought this afternoon was, I really like those people who get hate mail -- Showbread, Derek Webb, Cathleen Falsani. While there might be differences of opinion or belief, they are part of the same spiritual body that I take life from. Cutting them off from that would be like surgically removing myself from this body -- I cannot and should not try. Instead, my duty and privilege is to pray for, listen to, lovingly rebuke, encourage, and walk with those who share faith in Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. He is our perfection, and I'm as imperfect and messed up as they come without Him.

*I'd like to be an Islet of Langerhans in the body of Christ.

Slam Poet Peter Nevland

I read an article about this guy on RELEVANTmagazine.com.