Breaking out, breaking in

No. More. School. !

Well, at least for this year. My semester wrapped up officially this past Tuesday. My last final was the former Friday, but I worked in the biology department through Tuesday. Glad for that - a little extra money for over the break and time with the colorful biology locals. I also needed to pick up cookie dough that I had ordered from one of co-worker's daughters. The daughter had a school fundraiser earlier this year and I couldn't resist cookie dough + helping her school. What I didn't remember until Tuesday was that I had ordered a pumpkin cake roll in addition to the cranberry oatmeal cookie dough. My contribution to grandma's Christmas dinner is ready to be thawed and served.

I'm leaving my school schedule behind, but trying not to have an unproductive break. Sis has helped me pick knitting back up to my great delight! She went with me to the craft store to pick out the yarn (though she very much disagreed with my color choices), spent at least a few hours helping me relearn how to cast on and get going. Sis found an argyle scarf pattern that uses double knitting, so it's easier to make the pattern than doing a fair isle knit and it will be extra warm. This way I'll have two hand-made presents for some good friends that hopefully they'll be able to use for a while, plus the pleasure of pouring my energy into something creative. I'm loving it!

My Colorful Christmas Guide

GREEN-ER CHRISTMAS

Sustainable, recycled, recyclable, or reusable items make good gifts for the receiver and for the planet. If you're a craft person, try (carefully) making jewelry out of coke tabs, bottle caps, or other finds. You could also try a resale shop or flea market - be part of the market that helps prevent overflowing landfills.

You can also choose more eco-friendly gift wrapping, such as a bag that can be reused or newsprint or old magazine pages instead of wrapping paper, which sometimes can't be recycled. Since my mother raised unusual children with unusual methods I've taken to saving my wrapping paper from gifts that I receive and using it the next year to wrap presents. It's not always as pretty as department store wrapping paper but it certainly has plenty of character and is thus a good reflection of the giver. Less expensive too.

And don't forget about local artisans - their wares aren't mass-produced; they have a more personal, meaningful quality; instead of being shipped across the nation, they can be picked up perhaps across town, which saves on fuel and pollution. You'll find some amazing, whimsical, sturdy, beautiful, different things.

Additional resource: RELEVANT magazine's 2010 Gift Guide

ORANGE-ER CHRISTMAS

This one is a little new for me, but ORANGE is the official color of freedom, especially for those who are familiar with the NOT FOR SALE campaign or other organizations that seek to put an end to modern slavery in any of its incarnations: forced labor, slave labor, sex trafficking, etc.

A few steps you can take: look up the companies that you're considering purchasing from and see if there is information available on their corporate policies and follow-through related to forced labor. One excellent resource for that is a project from NFS called Free2Work. Their website is http://free2work.org. You can browse through the companies they have listed or look up a specific company to see how they fair with F2W's grading system, which is based on a rubric of different categories relating to company policies, employment empowerment, and prevention, among other things.

Some other options are looking for Fair Trade certified items or similarly monitored sources - food, clothing, home goods, jewelry, and small gifts are among the things you can find. A few places well worth your time:

The Not For Sale Freedom Store

Maggie's Organics - Organic & Fair Trade Clothing

They have CUTE socks and other apparel as well as adorable sock animals. You can find some of their scarfs at a local Whole Foods grocer.

Worldofgood.com

This is a daughter website of eBay with lots of products to choose from - organic, environmentally friendly, and several fair trade.

PURPLE-ER CHRISTMAS

Purple is traditionally the primary color of the season of Advent (reference). While shopping for presents, listening to 24-7 Christmas music, watching holiday specials on the telly, or running to and fro from Christmas party to holiday bash to church musical to family get-together - it's beyond easy to get burned out and feel more than little hum-buggy about it all. What can be done?!

Advent is a season of the Christian church calendar that calls for us to slow down, stop rushing, and find some quiet. We can quiet ourselves each morning, carving a little extra time to pray, listen, and read. If not in the morning, perhaps another time of the day. If you have children you can encourage some family time spent just enjoying each person's company.

Other calls that Advent places for us are penitence and rejoicing. We know that we've sinned and can't make things right on our own, no how. The joy comes in G-d sending his Son to be for us the sacrifice that make things right, once and for all: blotting out transgressions, binding up wounds, and healing broken hearts. Another joy of this season is the invitation that is extended to us, that we might join G-d in this work and be a part of his transformation that takes place from the inside-out.

Diminish your worries about finding the perfect gift for whomever and try not to spend over your budget. Ask and reflect: Where can we answer Christ's call to follow in His footsteps, seek those who are hurting, and share His love & grace?

WORLD AIDS DAY

...was technically yesterday, December 1st, 2010. I was able to see some of the AIDS memorial quilt that travels around to different parts of the country. It was on display at the Clinton Presidential Library in downtown Little Rock today. Since I arrived in the later afternoon I only saw some of the panels since they were beginning to put them away. They had been laid across the lawn. I'm not sure how many panels there were altogether, but it was enough to cover quite an area. In conjunction with the quilt display, there were volunteers from the Clinton School of Public Service who were reading aloud the names of people who had succumbed to AIDS. This oration was to stretch from midnight on the 1st until midnight this morning.

There were few casual observers in attendance when I came, perhaps a half dozen. However there was a bevy of students (and others?) carefully and respectfully folding the quilt panels in preparation for their return to storage and subsequent shipment to their next destination. While this mild mill of activity was taking place there was a lone figure atop the tiny hill in front of the presidential center reading aloud into a microphone name after name of person after person, strangers to both us, who had died as a result of AIDS. One lady, who I assumed to be an observer, stood and listened for a while. I took up an unmarked post next to her, listening and trying to discern my purpose for hearing these names. I was there for solidarity - these were people, brothers and sisters. They had families, loved ones, friends, pets, teachers, co-workers. Since the people involved found their lives important enough to document in this way, I felt some sense of duty to pay attention and acknowledge each person, as many as I could.

After standing attentively in place for about five minutes I honestly began to feel wildly out of place. It's not that I didn't belong because I didn't have or know anyone with AIDS or anyone who had died of AIDS. My discomfort came from a growing understanding of the depth of apathy and indifference toward people who have AIDS. I recognize AIDS and HIV as serious epidemic health disasters, but I often overlook the people and don't feel any sense of immediacy or importance to address this issue. I kind of let it get brushed under my proverbial do-gooder rug. Then and there, trying to be faithful and true to my calling, I sat to quietly pray. The prayers were for rejection of apathy on my part and the part of others. There were also supplications for advancement in medicine and science to prevent the spread of this disease and actively help those who are suffering with it now. It's no small figure, but the numbers have to be superceded by faces, by the lives of people. It's not that there are more than 32.9 million worldwide cases of AIDS. There are more than 32.9 million people who are losing their lives to battles with this virus-caused disease.

Lord, help us love.

On meetings, entreatings, and southern breakfast

My aunt organized a meeting between myself and a cousin who I had only met briefly a few years ago. I've admired her a lot based on just that initial meeting and what I had heard of her from family - she is married, in seminary, has one child and one on the way. Not to mention she's cool. She's a playwright, thespian and a generally creative person; a delight to be around from what I had heard.

Rumours were correct. She is very cool!

I'm really glad that she had so much to share. She's in the middle of working with people who have been trafficked for labor and is part of a ministry that is trying to figure out how to do justice right. Rich, passionate, and practical discussion took place. She also said that she liked Not For Sale, which is a non-profit organization that is seeking to end slavery in our lifetime. There is a lot to it, and it's a HUGE problem with so many faces that we don't even see. I appreciated her thoughts on turning over the burdens to G-d, trusting that he will forgive us for our unknowing part in this industry and with his help we can do our best to move forward and keep learning, keep fighting the good fight.

As for the food, it was a tasty breakfast of scrambled eggs and biscuits for me. Plus coffee, which shall not go overlooked. Zack had mentioned the cafe before but had not visited it. When my aunt was looking for a place to meet I couldn't think of one initially, but Zack suggested going there since they would be open early enough. Good call!

It was a fantastic morning, one that I was giving thanks for on the drive afterward. Thanks must be given for all the blessings that (and who) have crossed my path.

Bells shall peal

From Dictionary.com (a frequent resource):

en·gage
[en-geyj] verb,-gaged, -gag·ing

–verb (used with object)

1. to occupy the attention or efforts of (a person or persons): He engaged her in
conversation.

2. to secure for aid, employment, use, etc.; hire: to engage a worker; to engage a room.

3. to attract and hold fast: The novel engaged her attention and interest.

4. to attract or please: His good nature engages everyone.

5. to bind, as by pledge, promise, contract, or oath; make liable: He engaged himself to repay his debt within a month.

6. to betroth (usually used in the passive): They were engaged last week.

7. to bring (troops) into conflict; enter into conflict with: Our army engaged the enemy.

8. Mechanics. to cause (gears or the like) to become interlocked; interlock with.

9. to attach or secure.

10. (Obsolete) to entangle or involve.

This is my first post as a betrothed woman. I could not be happier! Zack asked me to marry him on the evening of October 23rd, just a little over a year from when we starting dating. Not all of the above definitions fit our present relationship status, but I thought it was pretty neat to consider their dictionary meanings in the context of our engagement. (silly, girly grin inserted here)

~@~

While Zack was cleaning this afternoon I got the chance to help him. He was vacuuming in the living room and asked me to pick up the area rug, shake the dust off, and then place it back down after he had run the vacuum cleaner over it. At one point during this process he exclaimed, "Yay, I have a helper!"

~@~

Probably about two weeks ago we were talking with two of the priests at church and they were congratulating us on our engagement. One shared that Thomas Aquinas wrote quite a bit on marriage and was asked at want point in the ceremony he believed the two people were "married:" at the exchanging of vows, rings, or the blessing of the priest, etc. He responded that he believed marriage truly started at engagement. Another way I saw this idea presented recently was through an article on RELEVANTmagazine.com:

"It was in this that I found my purpose for our engagement. The year and a half Libby and I are spending in the awkward chasm known as engagement will be spent living out our vows. I said it to her this way:

'I do these things because I want my actions in our engaged life to be my vows to you. Before our wedding day, before I utter any words, I want these actions to speak so much more loudly as my vows.' " -- Tom Hagedon

While there are still plans to be made and other events that will take place before we are married, we are taking this time to live our vows to each other and grow together. Zack's exclamation during our afternoon o' cleaning just hit me as a very poignant statement, one of mutual simplicity and profundity. I get to be his helper, by his side through life and him right beside me. That is exciting!

Bring on the dusting. We're teamed up and ready.

Prayer for Peace

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

--St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)

Twenty and six

It is late.

It is past midnight, but I currently don't mind. Irish coffee before bedtime is probably, as my best friend suggested, a dumb idea. It is however quite comforting and pleasant.

Today marked the return to school for the fall semester. It has begun! I had but one class this afternoon - developmental biology. It looks to be an interesting class thanks to the course material as well as the slightly nutty professor. Tomorrow I will have a first aid class at 8 a.m. followed by the final class required for my sign language studies minor: Manually Coded English. The teacher is tough but terrific! Rounding out my full load is my second pass at Neurobiology, online.

*gulp*

~~~@~~~

The picture above is from my birthday dinner this past Monday. Zack took me to a wonderful multi-ethnic restaurant nearby. This is their signature Wonton Sundae.

Monday was the best birthday ever, thanks to Zack. My day began with best friend and I enjoying a brisk morning walk before dawn. This was followed by dropping my sister and our other roommate at work. I then darted home to clean, redo the blue streaks in my hair, and shower in preparation for the lunch date that my love asked to take me on for my birthday. About 30 minutes of hair preparation and make-up application after Zack arrived, we left for the downtown Episcopal church. Upon request, we stopped there for some quite, reflective time. The old, holy smell; the stillness; and gentle rumblings of downtown life just outside the walls of the church offered fertile ground for pausing to press into God's presence and letting him press into me. Kneeling, I inhaled my prayers and exhaled my thanks, trying to focus more on my gratitude than my requests -- rarely an easy task.

Some time passed and we journeyed on peacefully to the restaurant. Lunch was beautiful; edible poetry. Lilly's is corporately and individually one of our favorite places to eat despite the drive. With his company, we could be dining on stale cardboard boxes from the grimy dumpster in back of the meat shoppe and it would be a joyful experience. Having such lovely food made it all the better.

We returned home and spent a little time just hanging out before I had to go to work that evening. Sis and I were talked out of just calling in, as it was our birthday. We went to work but only worked about three of the four hours in our shift. Leaving early allowed us to return to a lasagna dinner and birthday streamers strewn about the new apartment in our honor. We were able to have a little more time together, Zack and I staying up to talk for a brief time before he had to depart.

After his departure I just felt happy. It was not because of his departure as though I wanted him to leave, but because he chose to spend the day with me and did his best to see that I had a relaxing, uplifting, fun, loving, yummy birthday. He was with me on my birthday and it was good.

Best. birthday. ever.

The summer semesters have finally seen their end with my physics final yesterday. It was not pretty. The best test grade I made in the class was an 85 with the rest plummeting closer to 60 and below. Oi!

I cried after the final yesterday. Tears streamed down my mildly dehydrated face, leaning against the reclined driver's seat of my car in the 90+ degree Arkansas-in-August heat. Though I knew my schedule was a busy one, I again failed to balance everything and pull a good grade out of a class. The last time I took summer classes was about 5 years ago. At that time I decided not to do it again, despite making A's in both classes. Earlier this year I was convinced it would help me get ahead and improve my GPA while knocking out some coursework and moving me closer to graduating.

My faith in higher education and myself is not gone or smashed beyond all repair. I'm just trying to prevent myself from raking... myself over the coals. While I don't want to dismiss the defeat, I don't want to linger on it and subsequently sour my all-too-soon return to school for the fall semester (after a very brief week and a half break).

In attempts to learn and press on I readjusted my fall schedule this morning. There will be classes, work study, and study-study to accommodate. There will also hopefully soon be clinical observation hours to accommodate as well in preparation for applying to physical therapy programs. It's a lot of work, but it's mostly little steps that need to be taken care of in order to make the way. This is doable!

As always, prayers much appreciated; chai tea too.

7 - !

Exuberance, exultation, and ebullience! This day marks the seventh month of Zack's and my dating relationship: ups, downs and everything in between; the cumulative effect has been one of happiness and joy. So grateful I am for such a sweet, strong, open, honest, wonderful man and that he has yet to be scared off by me.

In other news, I'm getting to enjoy my summer break from classes. Phew. The last few weeks have been occupied by moving, chauffeuring, studying, packing, testing, unpacking, meeting, cleaning, cooking and myriad other chores. Most of the major tasks requiring time and energy have been accomplished (bro and sis are moved; sis started new job and is enjoying it!), lessening the length of my agenda for the next week. Classes for myself shall resume next Monday with a twice a week painting class for five weeks followed by the second semester of elementary physics filling the following five weeks.

Painting sounds like fun.

Physics sounds like a run to the drug store for acetaminophen.

Thankfully, my bro will be available to help with physics, if he is willing.

Prayers that I'm not swallowed by black holes would be appreciated, as always.

Calgon won't cut it today.

Nostalgia has struck, with a quick, slight movement. I was updating my profile picture (which was about two hair colours and three haircuts out-of-date) for this blog when I spotted this picture amid the many snapshots saved on my laptop.

My immediate thought was, "I want to go back to that day."

Perhaps it was more of a desire to feel that joy and abandon to the evening. The agenda was enjoying Zack's company and it was fulfilled.

Finals week is upon me, which isn't a spit-eliciting phrase this semester. I only had two physical final exams, both this morning. Left to complete are an online written exam for my fingerspelling class and an interview with my sign language instructor, as part of the final evaluations. It hasn't been bad, but there is the constant desire to be able to call everything done and walk away, leaving myself to while my days as I please. At 25 there are hopefully many days left in which to do some whiling.

At present I'm just unsettled. This too shall pass.

Four years and one day

This is the time that has elapsed since meeting Zack. Our friendship has blossomed since back in 2006. Some of the best memories of these past four years are the ones that I shared with him and our friends. It's even sweeter since our friendship has since become our romance, and we're still friends too. We've both been kind of excited about today and celebrated in a somewhat understated way. Last night, Zack came over and helped me fix a stew recipe I wanted to try. We hung out and I was able to give him two small gifts that I had ordered for him to express my affection and commemorate the past four years of our friendship.

After I got home from school and work I checked the mail and found a note that he had written and mailed to me for today. Just a lovely card from a lovely man. *ahhh...* It has been a fine day.

All day this song has been going through my mind while thinking of Zack and how grateful I am for him in my life. He is such a blessing!

"And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know you're more to me than what I know how to say
You're OK with the way this is going to be
This is going to be the best thing we've ever seen"

- "Must Have Done Something Right" by Relient K

I finished the work that I could on my brain development chapter in my neurobiology class. The biggest impression from this evening's review of the online discussion is that I really need to take care of my body and be certain to get enough folic acid and other B vitamins to help lessen the risk of neural tube defects for the children my husband and I may have. No husband yet, but it's always good to start healthy habits, right?

Speaking of which, sleep and some quite time in the morning are probably good habits to develop from this point. Before parting for the evening I wish to leave you with this video that was posted on vimeo.com. Adieu!

Foolishly Seeking True Love from Jarrett Lee Conaway on Vimeo.

"It won't be long before we'll all be there with..."

SNOW!

The weather here in our area of the States has meant no school, no work, and more time to improve my Guitar Hero skills. However, it has also meant a rather sedentary day and a sore left wrist, arm, and shoulder from playing Guitar Hero too long.

Sadly it has also meant a day away from my honey. He tried to convince me to come over last night before the bad weather set in, but I chose to stay home assuming that our weather people were underestimating the coming winter storm and that we would still have school today.

Thankfully, no school today. Regretfully, no time with Zack today.

However, I have had a chance to work on some of the smaller projects that I needed to get done. The plan now is to get most, if not all, of my work done so that I can enjoy more time with him later. That's the plan at least.

In regards to last night however, my best friend and I got to spend time with an older couple we both know from church. They are exceptionally sweet, hospitable, kind, and funny people. The meal that Elaine cooked was simple but SO good: homemade burgers, cheese dip, and any desired fixings. The conversation was honest, lovingly probing, and deeply caring. I'm glad to have them in my life.

Until next time, may those enjoying snow benefit from the time to relax!

Definitely human

Have you ever seen the movie FernGully: The Last Rainforest? There is a scene where the human character is carving the fairy Crysta's name into a tree. She stops him and asks if he can't feel the tree's pain. The sarcastic response from Batty Koda, as voiced by Robin Williams, was:

"Humans can't feel anything. They're numb from the brain down"

Best quote.

I'm feeling it tonight/this morning. Spending the past few hours nearly stationary working on my online Neurobiology homework has left both my brain and my butt numb. Sleep is casting a siren call and I'm ready to jump overboard.

While I'm still up though, I've been thinking about fellow blogger Kimberly (though I don't know her in person) and hoping all is well with school and life. Sending warm thoughts and prayers your way! C:

I'm an Actor Out of Work

That's what Annie Clark told me. Sang to me.

Annie Clark is St. Vincent: ilovestvincent.com and St. Vincent makes brilliant music.



In other news:

A - Christmas holiday has been stupendous! Especially the extra time with Zack.

B - As most in my station probably do, I wish there was more time for holiday. I'd love to spend more time with Zack, D, and my family. Getting my sleep schedule in order would be a good idea too.

C - I purchased my textbooks and figured out my budget for the Spring semester, so I'm feeling pretty confident school-wise, at least for a time.

D - My personal custom has been such that I have not written formal goals or resolutions for the past few New Years. However, my short list is:

.health (drop 16 kilos by May's end?)
.read more
.cultivate my spirit/soul
.learn yes/no balance

E - New Blog Layout - first time I've changed it. I like.