not chicken

We had a Catalyst meeting Sunday afternoon which was good - everybody was tired, but it always feels nice to get in there and hear everyone's ideas, to feel a part of what God's doing through these people to make a difference and reach young adults in our metro area. It's exciting planning the 7th anniversary coming up too. Lunch was provided and it was catered from Moe's - yum! There were steak or chicken burritos, white cheese dip, salsa, and chips as well as water to drink. My plate consisted of some cheese dip and salsa with chips as well as a chicken burrito that I didn't finish all of. Since there were leftovers Rach encouraged us to take some home. Following orders I grabbed two chicken burritos and a steak burrito. My grandma and sister each had a chicken burrito when I got to their house which left me a steak burrito this evening. I've been feeling funky, but not like a chicken.

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The past few weeks have been so busy that I feel as if my time doesn't belong to me, which normally doesn't bother me. However, every so often every little thing that people say or do becomes an affront to me, rubbing me absolutely wrong and inciting my ire. It can take a day or so for decompression to take place when it wasn't always like this. A funk just settles over me and leaves me cranky like an old moving picture camera. Failure seems to add fuel to the fire; my personal limitations and stumbles lend a sense of fatality and bitterness that ends up stewing inside and spewing out on anyone who mildly offends me, especially those close to me or those who I already have a tenuous relationship with.

Vent, vent, vent.

To boil it down -- I want less of me, to fall out of love with me and my cares. In following Christ, I must decrease and He MUST increase. That's where the breakdown really ends up being found, when I don't keep putting Christ first and seeking His will in my life. Self control, compassion, and honoring others is so much more important; those people I've been hurting when I'm in this funk are worth SOO much more than my comfort or making myself feel good.

There is tomorrow and the hope Jesus Christ brings in that.

God rescued us from dead-end alleys and dark dungeons. He's set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much, the Son who got us out of the pit we were in, got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating. Colossians 1:13-14