Why I Still Follow Nancy's Advice

1. Money – I do feel a little weird putting this one first. But even if I didn't have my moral judgments about it, I just don't have enough dough to buy any dope.
2. Moral obligations – Heretofore I am a teetotaler as well. I feel that what God says about not letting wine or strong drink corrupt your judgment also covers other judgment corrupting substances. Besides, Jesus didn't turn a bunch of grass into weed, now did He? no.
3. My siblings – what kind of example would I be setting? Not to mention, I wouldn't have the sharpness needed to form my witty comebacks, even if they are 20 minutes after the fact.
4. Heroine Bob – Heroine Bob is my hero. Not the needles though, those don't bother me. Nor the mixing alcohol and narcotics. But I really liked the way that he used chemistry to explain just why acid is really bad news.
5. Devon Sawa – Did you ever see Night of the Twister or Now and Then? Not to gross anybody out, but back before I knew better, I thought boys were cute. Specifically, I thought Devon Sawa was quite a looker, even if he did have a broken chromosome and cooties. As good looking as he is, and as bad as his character looked on acid, granted an insane amount of acid, I, a plain Jane, would not stand a chance of looking an eighth decent.
6. Neuronal Jerks – Not like mean, bully neurons beating the other, smaller ones up, at least I don't think. No, as naturally nervous(hyper) as I am, caffeine can sometimes give me muscle spasms or jerks. Not to mention messing with my already sporadic sleep patterns. So, caffeine is bad enough.
7. Roommate – She's my roommate, best friend, and probably the most well armed person that I know. “Dead meat” is a threat taken seriously when it comes from her.
8. Family history – Addictions have run in my family before, pretty closely related family. Most have been able to clean up, but it takes your body a l-o-n-g time to straighten things up after messing with it like that.
9. Sports – I heart my bicycle. I want to learn to run without looking like one half of a T-rex three-legged relay. If I ever get in the right condition, have the expendable income (see #1), and am eligible for any of the venues, BMX sounds awesome. I can dream, and it might come to pass. It is highly unlikely, but a lot more likely clean than not. Not to mention the drug screening that is done in any kind of serious competitive activity.
10. Life – This is like my miscellaneous, catch all category, but appropriately titled. I love just about everything about life. No matter how well you can remember something or dream it, our dreams and memories are not even a tenth as lush, detailed, and vibrant as our current state of consciousness. I don't want to be so dulled or numbed that I am walking around like I'm lost in my memory or in a bad dream. And in the case of those drugs that have the opposite effect, I already know how many pores I have on my nose. No thank you.

(This is Fiona's sister swearing that she was not on something when she wrote this list about why she isn't on something. Hard to believe that she wasn't, but I swear!)

(This is the roommate, pointing out the fact that the Feebs wrote all of this at one-to-two in the morning. To know why this is ironic, see number six. Also, no, she wasn't joking in number seven.)