"Ask the former generations and find out what their fathers learned, for we were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow."
-Job 8:8-9
Earlier this afternoon, I was able to visit a good friend of mine whom I have not been previosuly disposed to see for the past three weeks or so. Thelma is a friend of the lady that I used to live with, Helen. Helen made it a certain habit to go and visit Thelma every Friday afternoon, as often as she was able. She took the two local newspapers to Thelma, and we would stay and watch Jeopardy. They had known each other for many, many years. When their husbands were still alive, they would all spend time together. Sister has met Thelma one time, and I imagine that she could confirm my saying that Thelma is a wonderful lady.
She called me the other evening and told me that her daughter, who had been battling cancer for some time, passed away. I cannot begin to imagine the pain of losing a child, no matter what his or her age. Thelma's granddaughter, Kelly, has been helping both her mother and grandmother. She has been taking it quite hard since she had been so close to her mother through much of her ordeal. Thelma was matter-of-fact. She didn't cry or ask me to come see her, but when you're grieving, if you're like me, you need people whether you tell them that or not. We were both glad to see each other when I did stop by.
Despite the slight melancholic atmosphere, we had what was pretty much one of our regular conversations. We talk about so many things. I think that we think alike; instead of thinking linearly, we both use circular strings of thought (though mine might actually be more entropic than that). The conversation got around to the uses of profanity, and then marital disputes. Thelma has had many rich life experiences, and she is wonderful at sharing the gems of knowledge that she has collected along the way. "If you and your husband are ever upset or angry with each other, you should dress yourself up, have your husband dress up, and go out. Do something that you both enjoy doing. Have fun together."
There is a story that goes with this pearl of wisdom. At one time Thelma worked for the Family Services Agency. She saw many couples that would come in for counseling, and as numerous as they were, they often shared similar problems. One lady came to see a counselor about her relationship with her husband feeling worn-out. The counselor asked her, "What did you and your husband do for fun before you married?" "Well, we used to go fishing," the somewhat befuddled lady replied, for what does fishing have to do with an unhappy marriage? The counselor then further inquired as to when they had last gone fishing together. "I can't even remember, it's been so long," was the lady's response. "Sometime within the next two weeks, if you can, get your fishing gear together, perhaps pack a picnic lunch, and go fishing with your husband."
With the counselor's order fresh in her mind, the lady went home and pulled out their old rods and reels. Her husband wasn't quite sure what was going on, but he didn't mind a short vacation from the mundane. They packed into the car, stopped and bought some bait at the store, and spent a warm afternoon at the lake. They didn't catch very much more than the few flies that tried to infiltrate their lunch.
When the lady next went to see the counselor, she was asked how things were going. The lady explained, "Well, I took your advice. Bill and I went fishing. We didn't really catch anything and we did get a bit of a sunburn. But that was the most fun that we've had together in years."
In this manner Thelma related an important piece of advice for me to remember: you have to be friends with your spouse. You should be able to have fun together.
Sometimes opening a bucket of worms isn't such a bad thing.
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