Prayer for Peace

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

--St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)

Twenty and six

It is late.

It is past midnight, but I currently don't mind. Irish coffee before bedtime is probably, as my best friend suggested, a dumb idea. It is however quite comforting and pleasant.

Today marked the return to school for the fall semester. It has begun! I had but one class this afternoon - developmental biology. It looks to be an interesting class thanks to the course material as well as the slightly nutty professor. Tomorrow I will have a first aid class at 8 a.m. followed by the final class required for my sign language studies minor: Manually Coded English. The teacher is tough but terrific! Rounding out my full load is my second pass at Neurobiology, online.

*gulp*

~~~@~~~

The picture above is from my birthday dinner this past Monday. Zack took me to a wonderful multi-ethnic restaurant nearby. This is their signature Wonton Sundae.

Monday was the best birthday ever, thanks to Zack. My day began with best friend and I enjoying a brisk morning walk before dawn. This was followed by dropping my sister and our other roommate at work. I then darted home to clean, redo the blue streaks in my hair, and shower in preparation for the lunch date that my love asked to take me on for my birthday. About 30 minutes of hair preparation and make-up application after Zack arrived, we left for the downtown Episcopal church. Upon request, we stopped there for some quite, reflective time. The old, holy smell; the stillness; and gentle rumblings of downtown life just outside the walls of the church offered fertile ground for pausing to press into God's presence and letting him press into me. Kneeling, I inhaled my prayers and exhaled my thanks, trying to focus more on my gratitude than my requests -- rarely an easy task.

Some time passed and we journeyed on peacefully to the restaurant. Lunch was beautiful; edible poetry. Lilly's is corporately and individually one of our favorite places to eat despite the drive. With his company, we could be dining on stale cardboard boxes from the grimy dumpster in back of the meat shoppe and it would be a joyful experience. Having such lovely food made it all the better.

We returned home and spent a little time just hanging out before I had to go to work that evening. Sis and I were talked out of just calling in, as it was our birthday. We went to work but only worked about three of the four hours in our shift. Leaving early allowed us to return to a lasagna dinner and birthday streamers strewn about the new apartment in our honor. We were able to have a little more time together, Zack and I staying up to talk for a brief time before he had to depart.

After his departure I just felt happy. It was not because of his departure as though I wanted him to leave, but because he chose to spend the day with me and did his best to see that I had a relaxing, uplifting, fun, loving, yummy birthday. He was with me on my birthday and it was good.

Best. birthday. ever.

The summer semesters have finally seen their end with my physics final yesterday. It was not pretty. The best test grade I made in the class was an 85 with the rest plummeting closer to 60 and below. Oi!

I cried after the final yesterday. Tears streamed down my mildly dehydrated face, leaning against the reclined driver's seat of my car in the 90+ degree Arkansas-in-August heat. Though I knew my schedule was a busy one, I again failed to balance everything and pull a good grade out of a class. The last time I took summer classes was about 5 years ago. At that time I decided not to do it again, despite making A's in both classes. Earlier this year I was convinced it would help me get ahead and improve my GPA while knocking out some coursework and moving me closer to graduating.

My faith in higher education and myself is not gone or smashed beyond all repair. I'm just trying to prevent myself from raking... myself over the coals. While I don't want to dismiss the defeat, I don't want to linger on it and subsequently sour my all-too-soon return to school for the fall semester (after a very brief week and a half break).

In attempts to learn and press on I readjusted my fall schedule this morning. There will be classes, work study, and study-study to accommodate. There will also hopefully soon be clinical observation hours to accommodate as well in preparation for applying to physical therapy programs. It's a lot of work, but it's mostly little steps that need to be taken care of in order to make the way. This is doable!

As always, prayers much appreciated; chai tea too.

7 - !

Exuberance, exultation, and ebullience! This day marks the seventh month of Zack's and my dating relationship: ups, downs and everything in between; the cumulative effect has been one of happiness and joy. So grateful I am for such a sweet, strong, open, honest, wonderful man and that he has yet to be scared off by me.

In other news, I'm getting to enjoy my summer break from classes. Phew. The last few weeks have been occupied by moving, chauffeuring, studying, packing, testing, unpacking, meeting, cleaning, cooking and myriad other chores. Most of the major tasks requiring time and energy have been accomplished (bro and sis are moved; sis started new job and is enjoying it!), lessening the length of my agenda for the next week. Classes for myself shall resume next Monday with a twice a week painting class for five weeks followed by the second semester of elementary physics filling the following five weeks.

Painting sounds like fun.

Physics sounds like a run to the drug store for acetaminophen.

Thankfully, my bro will be available to help with physics, if he is willing.

Prayers that I'm not swallowed by black holes would be appreciated, as always.

Calgon won't cut it today.

Nostalgia has struck, with a quick, slight movement. I was updating my profile picture (which was about two hair colours and three haircuts out-of-date) for this blog when I spotted this picture amid the many snapshots saved on my laptop.

My immediate thought was, "I want to go back to that day."

Perhaps it was more of a desire to feel that joy and abandon to the evening. The agenda was enjoying Zack's company and it was fulfilled.

Finals week is upon me, which isn't a spit-eliciting phrase this semester. I only had two physical final exams, both this morning. Left to complete are an online written exam for my fingerspelling class and an interview with my sign language instructor, as part of the final evaluations. It hasn't been bad, but there is the constant desire to be able to call everything done and walk away, leaving myself to while my days as I please. At 25 there are hopefully many days left in which to do some whiling.

At present I'm just unsettled. This too shall pass.

Four years and one day

This is the time that has elapsed since meeting Zack. Our friendship has blossomed since back in 2006. Some of the best memories of these past four years are the ones that I shared with him and our friends. It's even sweeter since our friendship has since become our romance, and we're still friends too. We've both been kind of excited about today and celebrated in a somewhat understated way. Last night, Zack came over and helped me fix a stew recipe I wanted to try. We hung out and I was able to give him two small gifts that I had ordered for him to express my affection and commemorate the past four years of our friendship.

After I got home from school and work I checked the mail and found a note that he had written and mailed to me for today. Just a lovely card from a lovely man. *ahhh...* It has been a fine day.

All day this song has been going through my mind while thinking of Zack and how grateful I am for him in my life. He is such a blessing!

"And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know you're more to me than what I know how to say
You're OK with the way this is going to be
This is going to be the best thing we've ever seen"

- "Must Have Done Something Right" by Relient K

I finished the work that I could on my brain development chapter in my neurobiology class. The biggest impression from this evening's review of the online discussion is that I really need to take care of my body and be certain to get enough folic acid and other B vitamins to help lessen the risk of neural tube defects for the children my husband and I may have. No husband yet, but it's always good to start healthy habits, right?

Speaking of which, sleep and some quite time in the morning are probably good habits to develop from this point. Before parting for the evening I wish to leave you with this video that was posted on vimeo.com. Adieu!

Foolishly Seeking True Love from Jarrett Lee Conaway on Vimeo.