El bolígrafo de la Señorita del Zorro

I have to be a real adult now?!

2011-06-09T15:02:00.005-05:00

Last month saw Confirmation at the church that Zack and I joined, graduation from college after an eight year undergraduate career and apparent mastery of my soon-to-be mother-in-law's pancake recipe. Each event had a luxuriant day of reflection and/or celebration that accompanied it.

Now I just need to find a job, start paying off my all-too-easily-accumulated student debt and finish hammering out the details for our fall wedding.

The lack of homework, projects, required reading and work in general has been pretty nice. There hasn't been too much of a waste of time either. I've filled the days with job applications, cleaning, crafting, reading, bike fixing, friend visiting, cat sitting, errand running, spending time with my sweetheart, résumé tweaking, some cooking and lessons from Zack on hockey during the Stanley Cup games.

So, now.

I need a job.

A good job would be a good. A decent job would be acceptable. I really would not care for an income without the labor though. In developing my résumé, filling out applications and analyzing jobs to see if I would be a good fit, I've reiterated to myself that I'm too much of a people person to be cooped up and isolated. Interacting with people in a meaningful and helpful way is one of my favorite things about any job. There is also the satisfaction that I get in accomplishing and completing a task, personally checking an item off of a list.

The eternal optimist in me is positive that a job will come along soon, even just a decent job. However, her voice doesn't quite quell those nagging anxieties about bills, responsibility and debt reduction. I'm keeping my eyes open and my job application folder close at hand to land that job as soon as I can.

Here's hoping.

Dates and Dollars

2011-03-07T14:42:00.008-06:00

Yesterday was a long but very enriching day. With the events of the day and the week before it, I was personally reminded about living out my vows to Zack during our engagement period.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Traditional-Christian-Wedding-Vows&id=401286

IN GOOD TIMES

Zack's niece turned 15 on Friday, so Saturday night we had a birthday party for her at her grandma's house. The attendees were the Birthday Girl herself, her younger brother, their dad, their grandma, Zack and I. It feels so good to be a part of the family and to enjoy the benefits of that position: I'm able to join in the celebrations and life events that help shape who we are together.

The food was good, as is always the case when Zack's mom is flexing her culinary muscles. Watching his niece unwrap her presents and listening as she read out loud the notes from her cards was such a warm thing: it's a good feeling to see her value being reinforced. Parties always seem to be fun, even if you're not necessarily a key player in the festivities.

IN BUSY

I can't say that it was bad in any way, but Sunday was definitely a BUSY day all around. We all went to church together providing a peaceful start for our day. After the service, we talked with the lady who knows what's going on (read: church secretary) about confirming the date for our wedding and making the down payment. The date is set and the check is written.

It's so official now!

Once we departed the church building, we went to have lunch and then on to the mall in order to find some new clothes for Zack's niece. His mom and I scoured the racks for the right sizes and good deals, double checking that what we were finding was what she was looking for. At this point it should be said that Zack's niece is a very patient, very agreeable young lady. She tried on several outfits and was understanding in the event that we accidentally grabbed the wrong size or style. I can't remember her saying a single negative thing the whole afternoon, unless you're counting the few comments frustratedly aimed at her younger brother. Several events in the past few months have stoked my anticipation about being an aunt to such cool kids and getting to encourage them as my aunts have encouraged me.

Zack also got his "cool uncle" kicks in by rescuing his nephew away to a less-girly zone. They got the matriarchal blessing and hastily left to check out shoes, shorts and other guy stuff. It wasn't too long before they came back and checked in with us though; just long enough to keep his nephew from going bananas from boredom and driving his older sister bonkers too.

It was a pretty long afternoon, as can happen when clothes shopping is on the agenda. But the afternoon was another period of time that allowed me to kind of mentally take a step back and have my affection for such a generous, godly man reinforced. (He might not self-identify with the latter label, but the more time I spend with him, the more I see these divine influences on his character, his senses of compassion, justice, generosity and even humour.)

Things are rarely "perfect," at least according to the way I imagine most people would define the word. Imperfection adds so much richness and a little tension can strengthen the sinews, if approached correctly. I honestly do not have the words to express my delight and excitement over getting to spend my life with Zack.

Grateful.

I am ever so grateful.

NOTE: This post took a little while longer to finish than I anticipated (6/10/11).

Breaking out, breaking in

2010-12-17T15:03:00.000-06:00

No. More. School. !

Well, at least for this year. My semester wrapped up officially this past Tuesday. My last final was the former Friday, but I worked in the biology department through Tuesday. Glad for that - a little extra money for over the break and time with the colorful biology locals. I also needed to pick up cookie dough that I had ordered from one of co-worker's daughters. The daughter had a school fundraiser earlier this year and I couldn't resist cookie dough + helping her school. What I didn't remember until Tuesday was that I had ordered a pumpkin cake roll in addition to the cranberry oatmeal cookie dough. My contribution to grandma's Christmas dinner is ready to be thawed and served.

I'm leaving my school schedule behind, but trying not to have an unproductive break. Sis has helped me pick knitting back up to my great delight! She went with me to the craft store to pick out the yarn (though she very much disagreed with my color choices), spent at least a few hours helping me relearn how to cast on and get going. Sis found an argyle scarf pattern that uses double knitting, so it's easier to make the pattern than doing a fair isle knit and it will be extra warm. This way I'll have two hand-made presents for some good friends that hopefully they'll be able to use for a while, plus the pleasure of pouring my energy into something creative. I'm loving it!

My Colorful Christmas Guide

2010-12-16T12:31:00.007-06:00

GREEN-ER CHRISTMAS

Sustainable, recycled, recyclable, or reusable items make good gifts for the receiver and for the planet. If you're a craft person, try (carefully) making jewelry out of coke tabs, bottle caps, or other finds. You could also try a resale shop or flea market - be part of the market that helps prevent overflowing landfills.

You can also choose more eco-friendly gift wrapping, such as a bag that can be reused or newsprint or old magazine pages instead of wrapping paper, which sometimes can't be recycled. Since my mother raised unusual children with unusual methods I've taken to saving my wrapping paper from gifts that I receive and using it the next year to wrap presents. It's not always as pretty as department store wrapping paper but it certainly has plenty of character and is thus a good reflection of the giver. Less expensive too.

And don't forget about local artisans - their wares aren't mass-produced; they have a more personal, meaningful quality; instead of being shipped across the nation, they can be picked up perhaps across town, which saves on fuel and pollution. You'll find some amazing, whimsical, sturdy, beautiful, different things.

Additional resource: RELEVANT magazine's 2010 Gift Guide

ORANGE-ER CHRISTMAS

This one is a little new for me, but ORANGE is the official color of freedom, especially for those who are familiar with the NOT FOR SALE campaign or other organizations that seek to put an end to modern slavery in any of its incarnations: forced labor, slave labor, sex trafficking, etc.

A few steps you can take: look up the companies that you're considering purchasing from and see if there is information available on their corporate policies and follow-through related to forced labor. One excellent resource for that is a project from NFS called Free2Work. Their website is http://free2work.org. You can browse through the companies they have listed or look up a specific company to see how they fair with F2W's grading system, which is based on a rubric of different categories relating to company policies, employment empowerment, and prevention, among other things.

Some other options are looking for Fair Trade certified items or similarly monitored sources - food, clothing, home goods, jewelry, and small gifts are among the things you can find. A few places well worth your time:

The Not For Sale Freedom Store

Maggie's Organics - Organic & Fair Trade Clothing

They have CUTE socks and other apparel as well as adorable sock animals. You can find some of their scarfs at a local Whole Foods grocer.

Worldofgood.com

This is a daughter website of eBay with lots of products to choose from - organic, environmentally friendly, and several fair trade.

PURPLE-ER CHRISTMAS

Purple is traditionally the primary color of the season of Advent (reference). While shopping for presents, listening to 24-7 Christmas music, watching holiday specials on the telly, or running to and fro from Christmas party to holiday bash to church musical to family get-together - it's beyond easy to get burned out and feel more than little hum-buggy about it all. What can be done?!

Advent is a season of the Christian church calendar that calls for us to slow down, stop rushing, and find some quiet. We can quiet ourselves each morning, carving a little extra time to pray, listen, and read. If not in the morning, perhaps another time of the day. If you have children you can encourage some family time spent just enjoying each person's company.

Other calls that Advent places for us are penitence and rejoicing. We know that we've sinned and can't make things right on our own, no how. The joy comes in G-d sending his Son to be for us the sacrifice that make things right, once and for all: blotting out transgressions, binding up wounds, and healing broken hearts. Another joy of this season is the invitation that is extended to us, that we might join G-d in this work and be a part of his transformation that takes place from the inside-out.

Diminish your worries about finding the perfect gift for whomever and try not to spend over your budget. Ask and reflect: Where can we answer Christ's call to follow in His footsteps, seek those who are hurting, and share His love & grace?

WORLD AIDS DAY

2010-12-02T00:22:00.005-06:00

...was technically yesterday, December 1st, 2010. I was able to see some of the AIDS memorial quilt that travels around to different parts of the country. It was on display at the Clinton Presidential Library in downtown Little Rock today. Since I arrived in the later afternoon I only saw some of the panels since they were beginning to put them away. They had been laid across the lawn. I'm not sure how many panels there were altogether, but it was enough to cover quite an area. In conjunction with the quilt display, there were volunteers from the Clinton School of Public Service who were reading aloud the names of people who had succumbed to AIDS. This oration was to stretch from midnight on the 1st until midnight this morning.

There were few casual observers in attendance when I came, perhaps a half dozen. However there was a bevy of students (and others?) carefully and respectfully folding the quilt panels in preparation for their return to storage and subsequent shipment to their next destination. While this mild mill of activity was taking place there was a lone figure atop the tiny hill in front of the presidential center reading aloud into a microphone name after name of person after person, strangers to both us, who had died as a result of AIDS. One lady, who I assumed to be an observer, stood and listened for a while. I took up an unmarked post next to her, listening and trying to discern my purpose for hearing these names. I was there for solidarity - these were people, brothers and sisters. They had families, loved ones, friends, pets, teachers, co-workers. Since the people involved found their lives important enough to document in this way, I felt some sense of duty to pay attention and acknowledge each person, as many as I could.

After standing attentively in place for about five minutes I honestly began to feel wildly out of place. It's not that I didn't belong because I didn't have or know anyone with AIDS or anyone who had died of AIDS. My discomfort came from a growing understanding of the depth of apathy and indifference toward people who have AIDS. I recognize AIDS and HIV as serious epidemic health disasters, but I often overlook the people and don't feel any sense of immediacy or importance to address this issue. I kind of let it get brushed under my proverbial do-gooder rug. Then and there, trying to be faithful and true to my calling, I sat to quietly pray. The prayers were for rejection of apathy on my part and the part of others. There were also supplications for advancement in medicine and science to prevent the spread of this disease and actively help those who are suffering with it now. It's no small figure, but the numbers have to be superceded by faces, by the lives of people. It's not that there are more than 32.9 million worldwide cases of AIDS. There are more than 32.9 million people who are losing their lives to battles with this virus-caused disease.

Lord, help us love.

On meetings, entreatings, and southern breakfast

2010-11-27T12:10:00.003-06:00

My aunt organized a meeting between myself and a cousin who I had only met briefly a few years ago. I've admired her a lot based on just that initial meeting and what I had heard of her from family - she is married, in seminary, has one child and one on the way. Not to mention she's cool. She's a playwright, thespian and a generally creative person; a delight to be around from what I had heard.

Rumours were correct. She is very cool!

I'm really glad that she had so much to share. She's in the middle of working with people who have been trafficked for labor and is part of a ministry that is trying to figure out how to do justice right. Rich, passionate, and practical discussion took place. She also said that she liked Not For Sale, which is a non-profit organization that is seeking to end slavery in our lifetime. There is a lot to it, and it's a HUGE problem with so many faces that we don't even see. I appreciated her thoughts on turning over the burdens to G-d, trusting that he will forgive us for our unknowing part in this industry and with his help we can do our best to move forward and keep learning, keep fighting the good fight.

As for the food, it was a tasty breakfast of scrambled eggs and biscuits for me. Plus coffee, which shall not go overlooked. Zack had mentioned the cafe before but had not visited it. When my aunt was looking for a place to meet I couldn't think of one initially, but Zack suggested going there since they would be open early enough. Good call!

It was a fantastic morning, one that I was giving thanks for on the drive afterward. Thanks must be given for all the blessings that (and who) have crossed my path.

Bells shall peal

2010-11-05T12:34:00.011-05:00

From Dictionary.com (a frequent resource):

en·gage
[en-geyj] verb,-gaged, -gag·ing
–verb (used with object)

1. to occupy the attention or efforts of (a person or persons): He engaged her in
conversation.
2. to secure for aid, employment, use, etc.; hire: to engage a worker; to engage a room.

3. to attract and hold fast: The novel engaged her attention and interest.
4. to attract or please: His good nature engages everyone.

5. to bind, as by pledge, promise, contract, or oath; make liable: He engaged himself to repay his debt within a month.
6. to betroth (usually used in the passive): They were engaged last week.

7. to bring (troops) into conflict; enter into conflict with: Our army engaged the enemy.
8. Mechanics. to cause (gears or the like) to become interlocked; interlock with.

9. to attach or secure.
10. (Obsolete) to entangle or involve.

This is my first post as a betrothed woman. I could not be happier! Zack asked me to marry him on the evening of October 23rd, just a little over a year from when we starting dating. Not all of the above definitions fit our present relationship status, but I thought it was pretty neat to consider their dictionary meanings in the context of our engagement. (silly, girly grin inserted here)

~@~

While Zack was cleaning this afternoon I got the chance to help him. He was vacuuming in the living room and asked me to pick up the area rug, shake the dust off, and then place it back down after he had run the vacuum cleaner over it. At one point during this process he exclaimed, "Yay, I have a helper!"

~@~

Probably about two weeks ago we were talking with two of the priests at church and they were congratulating us on our engagement. One shared that Thomas Aquinas wrote quite a bit on marriage and was asked at want point in the ceremony he believed the two people were "married:" at the exchanging of vows, rings, or the blessing of the priest, etc. He responded that he believed marriage truly started at engagement. Another way I saw this idea presented recently was through an article on RELEVANTmagazine.com:

"It was in this that I found my purpose for our engagement. The year and a half Libby and I are spending in the awkward chasm known as engagement will be spent living out our vows. I said it to her this way:
'I do these things because I want my actions in our engaged life to be my vows to you. Before our wedding day, before I utter any words, I want these actions to speak so much more loudly as my vows.' " -- Tom Hagedon

While there are still plans to be made and other events that will take place before we are married, we are taking this time to live our vows to each other and grow together. Zack's exclamation during our afternoon o' cleaning just hit me as a very poignant statement, one of mutual simplicity and profundity. I get to be his helper, by his side through life and him right beside me. That is exciting!

Bring on the dusting. We're teamed up and ready.

2010-09-10T14:39:00.001-05:00

Prayer for Peace

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

--St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)

Twenty and six

2010-08-20T00:04:00.007-05:00

It is late.

It is past midnight, but I currently don't mind. Irish coffee before bedtime is probably, as my best friend suggested, a dumb idea. It is however quite comforting and pleasant.

Today marked the return to school for the fall semester. It has begun! I had but one class this afternoon - developmental biology. It looks to be an interesting class thanks to the course material as well as the slightly nutty professor. Tomorrow I will have a first aid class at 8 a.m. followed by the final class required for my sign language studies minor: Manually Coded English. The teacher is tough but terrific! Rounding out my full load is my second pass at Neurobiology, online.

*gulp*

~~~@~~~

The picture above is from my birthday dinner this past Monday. Zack took me to a wonderful multi-ethnic restaurant nearby. This is their signature Wonton Sundae.

Monday was the best birthday ever, thanks to Zack. My day began with best friend and I enjoying a brisk morning walk before dawn. This was followed by dropping my sister and our other roommate at work. I then darted home to clean, redo the blue streaks in my hair, and shower in preparation for the lunch date that my love asked to take me on for my birthday. About 30 minutes of hair preparation and make-up application after Zack arrived, we left for the downtown Episcopal church. Upon request, we stopped there for some quite, reflective time. The old, holy smell; the stillness; and gentle rumblings of downtown life just outside the walls of the church offered fertile ground for pausing to press into God's presence and letting him press into me. Kneeling, I inhaled my prayers and exhaled my thanks, trying to focus more on my gratitude than my requests -- rarely an easy task.

Some time passed and we journeyed on peacefully to the restaurant. Lunch was beautiful; edible poetry. Lilly's is corporately and individually one of our favorite places to eat despite the drive. With his company, we could be dining on stale cardboard boxes from the grimy dumpster in back of the meat shoppe and it would be a joyful experience. Having such lovely food made it all the better.

We returned home and spent a little time just hanging out before I had to go to work that evening. Sis and I were talked out of just calling in, as it was our birthday. We went to work but only worked about three of the four hours in our shift. Leaving early allowed us to return to a lasagna dinner and birthday streamers strewn about the new apartment in our honor. We were able to have a little more time together, Zack and I staying up to talk for a brief time before he had to depart.

After his departure I just felt happy. It was not because of his departure as though I wanted him to leave, but because he chose to spend the day with me and did his best to see that I had a relaxing, uplifting, fun, loving, yummy birthday. He was with me on my birthday and it was good.

Best. birthday. ever.

2010-08-10T13:18:00.004-05:00

The summer semesters have finally seen their end with my physics final yesterday. It was not pretty. The best test grade I made in the class was an 85 with the rest plummeting closer to 60 and below. Oi!

I cried after the final yesterday. Tears streamed down my mildly dehydrated face, leaning against the reclined driver's seat of my car in the 90+ degree Arkansas-in-August heat. Though I knew my schedule was a busy one, I again failed to balance everything and pull a good grade out of a class. The last time I took summer classes was about 5 years ago. At that time I decided not to do it again, despite making A's in both classes. Earlier this year I was convinced it would help me get ahead and improve my GPA while knocking out some coursework and moving me closer to graduating.

My faith in higher education and myself is not gone or smashed beyond all repair. I'm just trying to prevent myself from raking... myself over the coals. While I don't want to dismiss the defeat, I don't want to linger on it and subsequently sour my all-too-soon return to school for the fall semester (after a very brief week and a half break).

In attempts to learn and press on I readjusted my fall schedule this morning. There will be classes, work study, and study-study to accommodate. There will also hopefully soon be clinical observation hours to accommodate as well in preparation for applying to physical therapy programs. It's a lot of work, but it's mostly little steps that need to be taken care of in order to make the way. This is doable!

As always, prayers much appreciated; chai tea too.

7 - !

2010-05-17T22:08:00.004-05:00

Exuberance, exultation, and ebullience! This day marks the seventh month of Zack's and my dating relationship: ups, downs and everything in between; the cumulative effect has been one of happiness and joy. So grateful I am for such a sweet, strong, open, honest, wonderful man and that he has yet to be scared off by me.

In other news, I'm getting to enjoy my summer break from classes. Phew. The last few weeks have been occupied by moving, chauffeuring, studying, packing, testing, unpacking, meeting, cleaning, cooking and myriad other chores. Most of the major tasks requiring time and energy have been accomplished (bro and sis are moved; sis started new job and is enjoying it!), lessening the length of my agenda for the next week. Classes for myself shall resume next Monday with a twice a week painting class for five weeks followed by the second semester of elementary physics filling the following five weeks.

Painting sounds like fun.

Physics sounds like a run to the drug store for acetaminophen.

Thankfully, my bro will be available to help with physics, if he is willing.

Prayers that I'm not swallowed by black holes would be appreciated, as always.

Calgon won't cut it today.

2010-05-06T02:17:00.003-05:00

Nostalgia has struck, with a quick, slight movement. I was updating my profile picture (which was about two hair colours and three haircuts out-of-date) for this blog when I spotted this picture amid the many snapshots saved on my laptop.

My immediate thought was, "I want to go back to that day."

Perhaps it was more of a desire to feel that joy and abandon to the evening. The agenda was enjoying Zack's company and it was fulfilled.

Finals week is upon me, which isn't a spit-eliciting phrase this semester. I only had two physical final exams, both this morning. Left to complete are an online written exam for my fingerspelling class and an interview with my sign language instructor, as part of the final evaluations. It hasn't been bad, but there is the constant desire to be able to call everything done and walk away, leaving myself to while my days as I please. At 25 there are hopefully many days left in which to do some whiling.

At present I'm just unsettled. This too shall pass.

Four years and one day

2010-02-04T23:42:00.004-06:00

This is the time that has elapsed since meeting Zack. Our friendship has blossomed since back in 2006. Some of the best memories of these past four years are the ones that I shared with him and our friends. It's even sweeter since our friendship has since become our romance, and we're still friends too. We've both been kind of excited about today and celebrated in a somewhat understated way. Last night, Zack came over and helped me fix a stew recipe I wanted to try. We hung out and I was able to give him two small gifts that I had ordered for him to express my affection and commemorate the past four years of our friendship.

After I got home from school and work I checked the mail and found a note that he had written and mailed to me for today. Just a lovely card from a lovely man. *ahhh...* It has been a fine day.

All day this song has been going through my mind while thinking of Zack and how grateful I am for him in my life. He is such a blessing!

"And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know you're more to me than what I know how to say
You're OK with the way this is going to be
This is going to be the best thing we've ever seen"

- "Must Have Done Something Right" by Relient K

2010-02-03T01:03:00.003-06:00

I finished the work that I could on my brain development chapter in my neurobiology class. The biggest impression from this evening's review of the online discussion is that I really need to take care of my body and be certain to get enough folic acid and other B vitamins to help lessen the risk of neural tube defects for the children my husband and I may have. No husband yet, but it's always good to start healthy habits, right?

Speaking of which, sleep and some quite time in the morning are probably good habits to develop from this point. Before parting for the evening I wish to leave you with this video that was posted on vimeo.com. Adieu!

Foolishly Seeking True Love from Jarrett Lee Conaway on Vimeo.

"It won't be long before we'll all be there with..."

2010-01-30T00:07:00.002-06:00

SNOW!

The weather here in our area of the States has meant no school, no work, and more time to improve my Guitar Hero skills. However, it has also meant a rather sedentary day and a sore left wrist, arm, and shoulder from playing Guitar Hero too long.

Sadly it has also meant a day away from my honey. He tried to convince me to come over last night before the bad weather set in, but I chose to stay home assuming that our weather people were underestimating the coming winter storm and that we would still have school today.

Thankfully, no school today. Regretfully, no time with Zack today.

However, I have had a chance to work on some of the smaller projects that I needed to get done. The plan now is to get most, if not all, of my work done so that I can enjoy more time with him later. That's the plan at least.

In regards to last night however, my best friend and I got to spend time with an older couple we both know from church. They are exceptionally sweet, hospitable, kind, and funny people. The meal that Elaine cooked was simple but SO good: homemade burgers, cheese dip, and any desired fixings. The conversation was honest, lovingly probing, and deeply caring. I'm glad to have them in my life.

Until next time, may those enjoying snow benefit from the time to relax!

Definitely human

2010-01-20T01:19:00.004-06:00

Have you ever seen the movie FernGully: The Last Rainforest? There is a scene where the human character is carving the fairy Crysta's name into a tree. She stops him and asks if he can't feel the tree's pain. The sarcastic response from Batty Koda, as voiced by Robin Williams, was:

"Humans can't feel anything. They're numb from the brain down"

Best quote.

I'm feeling it tonight/this morning. Spending the past few hours nearly stationary working on my online Neurobiology homework has left both my brain and my butt numb. Sleep is casting a siren call and I'm ready to jump overboard.

While I'm still up though, I've been thinking about fellow blogger Kimberly (though I don't know her in person) and hoping all is well with school and life. Sending warm thoughts and prayers your way! C:

I'm an Actor Out of Work

2010-01-06T00:15:00.000-06:00

That's what Annie Clark told me. Sang to me.

Annie Clark is St. Vincent: ilovestvincent.com and St. Vincent makes brilliant music.

In other news:

A - Christmas holiday has been stupendous! Especially the extra time with Zack.

B - As most in my station probably do, I wish there was more time for holiday. I'd love to spend more time with Zack, D, and my family. Getting my sleep schedule in order would be a good idea too.

C - I purchased my textbooks and figured out my budget for the Spring semester, so I'm feeling pretty confident school-wise, at least for a time.

D - My personal custom has been such that I have not written formal goals or resolutions for the past few New Years. However, my short list is:

.health (drop 16 kilos by May's end?)
.read more
.cultivate my spirit/soul
.learn yes/no balance

E - New Blog Layout - first time I've changed it. I like.

2009-12-08T00:49:00.000-06:00

Chill in air
and frosty lips
speak middle words
of death advancing.

Death from life;
the embers fade,
by cold embraced
fading to gray.

Life will return
with vigorous growth
but wait now
by warm hearth.

Of Autumnal Tillage

2009-11-15T16:54:00.000-06:00

My youngest sister is a magical woodland creature...

After church this morning I was able to kidnap my youngest sister and bring her over for lunch. We both had a grilled cheese tortilla, though hers was cooked a little too long and darkened. She said she didn't mind and devoured it anyway. I finished off the delicious chicken noodle soup that Zack brought over on Friday. Sissy had a glass of sweet tea with lemon juice and a key lime pie yogurt with her grilled cheese tortilla. Then she and I watched The Spiderwick Chronicles while I did some work on the computer.

When my roommate got back she also took some pictures of me in the front yard, at my vain behest, followed by Sissy and I tromping down the street to visit the two felines we befriended last Sunday. We only stayed a little while, but long enough for the black kitten to get a few good "sneak" attacks in our hands and the older orange tabby to contentedly rest in Sissy's lap while she found the petting spots that made him happily stick his tongue out and squinch his eyes.

Our visit to our furry acquaintances was brief. The brevity was due to the need to return home so I could get more studying in for my Mamm Phys test. I have approximately 16 hours until my test. *gulp* My hope is that the hours I have left to study will be fruitful ones and I will be adequately prepared.

Prayers always appreciated. Thank you!

Disease state of the soul?

2009-11-15T01:37:00.000-06:00

The concepts seem tied, but that could be my I-went-to-sleep-early-and-woke-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-feel-potentially-more-lucid-than-I-actually-am thought process at work.

RELEVANTmagazine.com article on Gluttony

Cayenne I help you?

2009-11-14T11:15:00.001-06:00

That same soreness was still in my throat when I woke up this morning. The cough had gotten worse. So I went out to the living room and started watching Enchanted with the roomie and her kids, or at least what was left of it. Two cups of coffee and a slice of cold pizza later the movie was over. A brief intermission occurred and then Spanglish was put in the movie playing machine. Having only watched it once before, I forgot how much I like that movie.

Instead of having another slice of pizza I heated up a bowl of the chicken soup that Zack brought over last night when he and Diane came over for an evening of Canadian comedy and oven-baked pizza. Wow! ¡Sopa deliciosa y picante! So good. Me thinks it has helped my sinuses open up too. It had spiral noodles, celery, onion, garlic, and other seasonings as well. Mmm... Campbell's can't beat it.

I'm looking forward to being well again. Inspiracion:

Hope from yllcn on Vimeo.

:::EDIT:::
Another funny video, to help improve your cookie eating technique: ROCKETBOOM'S Interview with The Cookie Monster

Quiet, still, quite still

2009-11-12T13:55:00.000-06:00

Being home sick can be quite refreshing, not that I enjoy missing work or school due to illness. However, just having a day to rest, refresh, and be renewed is a blessing.

The decision to remain at home came after waking up at 6 o'clock this morning, taking the dog out, and dragging the refuse to the corner. Once I got back inside I realized that my throat felt like tiny little creatures had crawled in during my slumber and taken a coarse grain sandpaper to its walls. *cough, cough* Some abdominal soreness was enough to convince me that a day of rest was probably in order. Though, in honesty, the abdominal soreness could likely be due to the crunches I've been doing to try strengthening my back and core.

So far today I've emailed my professors with apologies for being absent, checked my Facebook account to find that my best friend has started a profile (and we're officially friends on Facebook :), listened to some of my favorite classical and Romantic period music, received a new haircut from my roommate before she left for work, and given an ear to my friend Jeff's songs. His music is worth recommending. The new Christmas songs that he and his friend Drew have been working on are quality. But don't take my word for it: http://www.myspace.com/jeffharte

Now the plan is to shower, drink a glass or two of water, and try to get a few hours more of sleep in. Later on I'll probably spend some time reading a new book my sister lent me, The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman with illustrations by Dave McKean. Some quiet time with Jesus will definitely be going on too. Then studying for my exam in Mammalian Physiology that is next Monday.

Have I mentioned how happy I am? Last night Zack and I hung out for a few hours and went walking around his neighborhood. Just talking with him and spending time with him brings me joy. I'm looking forward to what will come, but also trying to enjoy and be thankful for the here and now. May I be as good to him as he is to me.

speak easy, listen hard

2009-11-07T00:51:00.000-06:00

This afternoon, instead of working in the biology office as I’ve been doing the last few weeks, I was able to work with my boss on some of the projects he needed to take care of: inoculating some nutrient broth test tubes with Bacillus, Serratia, and some other bacterium as well as checking inventory against the database. I love working in the biology department! Before we actually got to the tasks awaiting us we just spent some time talking in his office, which is another one of the things that I really enjoy about my job (it’s never dull working with Bob). Our conversation started with just the basic fair but after a short time we were talking about faith and trusting God. Some of the things that really stuck with me were the questions that we’ve both had come up about bad things happening to good people, being more Christ-like, and the verse that says something about going into a closet to pray.

After walking with Jeannine tonight, God laid something on my heart that was a culmination of a few conversations I’ve had the last few days, all leading into the importance of keeping communication open with God.

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness” Jeremiah 31:3

Lovers usually don’t yell at each other across a room but instead get close and speak softly to each other. When speaking with this loved one, you intentionally incline yourself toward that other person so you can hear what they’re saying and really listen to what they’re trying to tell you, listening with everything that you can so you get the full message and provide feedback. Your intent interest shows in your posture, gestures, and the reactions to what the other person says. God pursues us and wants to be in relationship with us; He pours out blessings and leaves little notes and hints, small gifts to remind us that we are loved and cared about. Sometimes they’re not overt or they’re confusing and we won’t understand what He’s trying to get across unless we slow down, focus ourselves on this conversation with our soul’s Lover and listen intently, soaking up not just the words but all that we can of Who is directing His love toward us.

Awed by the alliteration

2009-10-27T12:57:00.000-05:00

The student who needed help with Anatomy & Physiology has not shown up yet, though we were supposed to meet about 25 minutes ago. In order to suppress mild vexation I decided to see it as an opportunity to work on my flash cards for Mammalian Physiology and play on the internet a little longer. *contented grin*

So, I figured I'd share the new Showbread video, along with the lyrics, for "Lost Connection With The Head" off their new album, The Fear of God.

Showbread "Lost Connection With The Head" Music Video from Showbread on Vimeo.

oh lord i'm sick of myself
i'd rather bury it than carry it
i'm desperate for help
and barely sentient means just being me
follow suit the destitute my modus operandi
a face that's marked by pallor means you're wasting away
so get a tan and raise your hands and take to feeling okay
no one enjoys the party when they're stricken with anemia
and i'm a shallow sinking surface simply screaming septicemia

peace of mind is hard to find
so i'm standing in line and feeling fine

aye me, sad hours seem long!
and even longer when you're numb
fading away and that's okay
cause life has me under her thumb

i'm languorously open ended
and the endings no good
i've been told to break the mold and i would if i could
but apathy is easier than caring at all
and the undulating nothingness means having a ball
incredibly impressive and bereft of concern
lobotomized and optimized and then i'm ready to burn
and i'm at war within myself and self is winning the fight
cause feeling like no one at all means feeling alright

sense of purpose has got me feeling worthless
and i'm fading away, but that's okay

oh yeah, all right
i'm in a big fat cage and feeling free
that's okay , that's all right
cause that's all that's left of me

goodbye, goodnight
that's all that's left of me

(from their website: www.showbread.net)

"Fading away, but that's okay... "

2009-10-27T12:21:00.000-05:00

This rainy Tuesday afternoon finds me awaiting a potential tutee in the Student Center, across from the "We Proudly Brew Starbucks" coffee shop of sorts. It's been a pleasant time though as my friend Brandon stopped by for a chat. I was able to share a new Showbread video with him (somewhat, though the lyrics were indistinguishable) and he shared a new site for books with me. He and his wife are AMAZING people, truly!

He also mentioned that I hadn't posted a blog in a while, which is true, so I thought the time left until said student arrives would work as a window to post a few brief thoughts.

...

School is going well -- I still need to make some flash cards for two classes, but so far, so good.

Zack brings much joy into my life -- he left a sweet text message the other day when he wasn't able to call. I'm looking forward to spending more time with him. C:

That's a wrap for now.

Face gone

2009-09-27T00:35:00.000-05:00

Technically last night now, I got to see Showbread for the first time live! Not disappointed in any way. The other bands were pretty great too:

Calling The Shots

The Gallery

Goodnight Caulfield

It was terrific, the bomb diggity. I'm grateful for those guys from Georgia.

^_^

2009-08-09T08:24:00.000-05:00

Another RELEVANTmagazine.com slices find:

Loss

2009-07-31T10:39:00.000-05:00

Life doesn't have the grace to play the first few chords of a Jeff Buckley song when everything is about to change drastically. The lighting isn't perfect either, nor every element properly framed. There are no cue cards or marker tape to guide you to your spot.

God gives the grace that brings that friend by your side who is there no matter what, sunshine or rain. God's grace offers the most awful jokes at the most opportune time when they're precisely what's needed. It's in His grace that the hand of a friend extends to hold yours and she listens to whatever you need to say, and just listens, sharing what the Holy Spirit is whispering between your intertwined fingers. His grace brings comfort and peace amidst the turmoil that life has chucked your way.

(This was written about a month and a half ago when a friend lost her mom.)

it's coming...

2009-05-23T23:31:00.000-05:00

The 7th Anniversary of thehouse is in one week.

^_^

http://www.thehousenlr.com

my sister is wonderful!

2009-05-23T23:25:00.000-05:00

She listened to me whinge yesterday, helped me reorganize a bit in my new room, let me stay the night with her at the risk of her own health, bought me a box of this nasty fizzy drink called Emergen-C, and gave me plenty of tea to ameliorate my sore throat. Anything else aside, terrific runs somewhere in the family and a few people have it in spades. She's one of them.

not chicken

2009-05-19T00:34:00.001-05:00

We had a Catalyst meeting Sunday afternoon which was good - everybody was tired, but it always feels nice to get in there and hear everyone's ideas, to feel a part of what God's doing through these people to make a difference and reach young adults in our metro area. It's exciting planning the 7th anniversary coming up too. Lunch was provided and it was catered from Moe's - yum! There were steak or chicken burritos, white cheese dip, salsa, and chips as well as water to drink. My plate consisted of some cheese dip and salsa with chips as well as a chicken burrito that I didn't finish all of. Since there were leftovers Rach encouraged us to take some home. Following orders I grabbed two chicken burritos and a steak burrito. My grandma and sister each had a chicken burrito when I got to their house which left me a steak burrito this evening. I've been feeling funky, but not like a chicken.

~~@~~ - ~~@~~ - ~~@~~

The past few weeks have been so busy that I feel as if my time doesn't belong to me, which normally doesn't bother me. However, every so often every little thing that people say or do becomes an affront to me, rubbing me absolutely wrong and inciting my ire. It can take a day or so for decompression to take place when it wasn't always like this. A funk just settles over me and leaves me cranky like an old moving picture camera. Failure seems to add fuel to the fire; my personal limitations and stumbles lend a sense of fatality and bitterness that ends up stewing inside and spewing out on anyone who mildly offends me, especially those close to me or those who I already have a tenuous relationship with.

Vent, vent, vent.

To boil it down -- I want less of me, to fall out of love with me and my cares. In following Christ, I must decrease and He MUST increase. That's where the breakdown really ends up being found, when I don't keep putting Christ first and seeking His will in my life. Self control, compassion, and honoring others is so much more important; those people I've been hurting when I'm in this funk are worth SOO much more than my comfort or making myself feel good.

There is tomorrow and the hope Jesus Christ brings in that.

God rescued us from dead-end alleys and dark dungeons. He's set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much, the Son who got us out of the pit we were in, got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating. Colossians 1:13-14

overcomin'

2009-05-03T01:25:00.000-05:00

On Saturday nights at thehouse, the young adult service at First Assembly of God in NLR, Pastor Randy has shared two messages so far in a series called "Overcome." One of the main scriptures is Revelation 12:11, a strong verse that talks about those who belong to God overcoming Satan, their accuser:

"They defeated [overcame] him through the blood of the Lamb
and the bold word of their witness.
They weren't in love with themselves;
they were willing to die for Christ." (The Message)

Friday night I was zoinked after a long day of school, work study, Deaf Den (Deaf church service), t-shirt party and then running errands with my dad. Sadly, when I'm tired I don't try nearly half as hard to keep a reign on my words or attitudes. I got into it with my dad and was offended by whatever he said and took it all personally. Even while I was bickering with him I was apologizing for being so tired and argumentative. Psh. I was being an emotive slacker.
On the drive back to my dorm after dropping my dad off I was frustrated with myself for not keeping things in check, for letting loose my grouchiness on my dad, and for other general missteps of recent. "I'm just feeling like I'm not cutting the mustard, God. I keep messing up and not living up to who You have called me to be, to all I can be in You. I'm stubborn and thick-headed, Papa. Please teach me how to live like You've called me to, to show Your grace and love."
I got back to the dorm and decided that I would just brush my teeth, pray, and sleep since I was so exhausted. Then as I started reading it felt like God spoke something to me through that verse.

"You need to remember Whose you are and who you are in Me."

I had been kind of arguing that things people were saying to me made me feel like I was stupid or inferior. God was reminding me that what other people say is not important (which I think most people know, but it's hard to remember), even what I say about myself isn't important, but what's important is what God says about me.

Remember Whose you are

Remember who you are in Him

This life is not it

Renee Yohe

2009-04-23T02:31:00.000-05:00

2-3 weeks out

2009-04-22T02:25:00.000-05:00

Finals are doing what they seem to be good at this time of year - looming.

I've been up and down with sleep and sickness, plans and good times, as well as low points these few weeks past. Despite exhaustion, sleep isn't coming easily. That's changing. Sleep will come. I'm trusting for that. Now to just try to pull some of these drowning grades up.

On Today, it was a good one. I'm feeling MUCH better after going through hopefully the worst of this upper respiratory infection for the last week or so. I drove to and from my sister's college twice which was actually pleasant because

I was able to listen to the "Talons," the EP from DIES that I borrowed from Jeff
the conversation with my sister is amazing - I love that girl!
when she got in the car I switched DIES for classical Chinese music to accommodate her musical tastes - another good listen
the weather was beautiful for being outside
driving her to my college means that once she graduates this May with her BA then she'll be coming over here!

She's so smart. She'll be working on her second BA, this one in Studio Art. We may also be flatmates sharing on-campus housing with two other people, my current roommate and a friend from sign language class.

This afternoon I got a little work done, cleaned up some, and spent some much needed quiet time with G-d. I've been in need of guidance and peace, but I was going and running without taking time to be still. He definitely restored me this afternoon - physically and spiritually. Thank you, Lord; i needed that.

The later hours saw me meeting my best friend at the downtown farmer's market for dinner - some tasty Greek cuisine for me, Thai for D. After finishing dinner we took a lovely walk to a local library for a chamber music show. It was beautiful!

Dinner, a calm walk, and chamber music - who needs a boyfriend when you have a bestie like D? Yeah, she might slap me for that, all the "boy" talk she's heard from me over the years. She listens to so much. I'm thankful for a friend like her and glad that she listens to me go on when I have a crush or infatuation. She has been my solace many times.

Final aside - Pandora.com is great. You can create customized radio stations based on artists/songs you like. They play music with similar qualities and you can further customize it by adding other artists/songs to the same station or starting another station and by voting up/down the songs they play. I've enjoyed discovering a lot of music I had not heard before. Two new favorites are some film scores by Danny Elfman and a band called Akissforjersey.

Hater was my word

2009-02-17T22:39:00.000-06:00

I am interested in words and etymology. Learning the original meanings, roots, and history of words almost seems like an adventure in the vein of Indiana Jones, but on a smaller, more bookish level. When I find a new word or learn something new about a familiar one I sometimes adopt it for a week and sprinkle it in my conversation to get to know it better, get a feel for it.

Hater was my word for a week and I'm not sure why. I didn't use it often, but more than I normally would. It's use was usually in a jovial manner with friends to mark a point of contention or disagreement. An example could be the text conversation between a friend and myself:

Kev: How ya doing?
Me: I'm tired. Moved into the dorms today. Need a nap and some Starbucks! :D
Kev: Starbucks is the devil.
Me: Whatever, hater!

Kevin and I aren't very close friends, but we joke around a lot when we do talk. It was a random conversation void of hard feelings. Nothing was meant poorly toward Kev by my choice of words.

~~@~~ | ~~@~~ | ~~@~~

While cleaning test tubes during work study I was listening to an audio book by Cathleen Falsani, Sin Boldly: A Field Guide for Grace. I've made it through Chapter 10 so far and don't think there is much more to go. She is a journalist and a writer on religion. In one of the chapters she mentioned one article that she wrote, among others, that drew her considerable amounts of hate mail mostly from those professing a like faith in Jesus Christ. They called her names, questioned her journalistic credentials and even her faith.

There are times when I am a hater, like those who attacked this writer through email. In the comfort of my opinions and limited self-knowledge, often without empathy for the other party, I lay down some heavy-handed words that probably serve to hurt much more than teach or encourage. This isn't the way I'm supposed to live. Jesus isn't making me into a hater; that's not His nature born in me, but something I've been holding onto.

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth.
Say only what helps, each word a gift.
Don't grieve God. Don't break his heart.
His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life,
making you fit for himself.
Don't take such a gift for granted.
- Ephesians 4:29-30 (The Message)

~~@~~ | ~~@~~ | ~~@~~

NOOMA videos are amazing. I've only watched a few, but I really like the way that Rob Bell speaks and illustrates what is said in the Bible. The one I watched on YouTube was Rain. He was telling of a walk he took through the woods with his young son when it started to rain and storm. The connection was that when rain and storms come in our lives, God is right there and says that He will walk through them with us, holding us close. He mentioned Deuteronomy 1:31 - "There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."

Rob went on to say that it's not a question of whether storms come in our lives, it's a fact. It rains in our lives and it does it a lot. In the church we sometimes act like we must have everything together before coming to God, that He desires followers who are complete and whole. As Rob pointed out, it's almost the opposite. Jesus said that He didn't come for those who were well, but like a physician to those sick and in need. God calls us to bring our junkie, torn-up selves to Him and trust Him, cry out to Him, and He will answer and save us.

Matthew 9:11-13

Psalm 55:22
1 Peter 5:7
Lamentations 3:56-58

~~@~~ | ~~@~~ | ~~@~~

There are times when hater could still be my word, but I want to change it and embrace the word Jesus has for me, the moniker fitting one who follows Him. It's probably not wholly summed in one word, but it's definitely painted with many shades of love and kindness. Love is what is supposed to mark me as a child of God, the love that I cultivate for my heavenly Father and my brothers and sisters in Christ. With all the love that I've been shown by Love Himself, how could I not share that with others? It's my calling.

My thought this afternoon was, I really like those people who get hate mail -- Showbread, Derek Webb, Cathleen Falsani. While there might be differences of opinion or belief, they are part of the same spiritual body that I take life from. Cutting them off from that would be like surgically removing myself from this body -- I cannot and should not try. Instead, my duty and privilege is to pray for, listen to, lovingly rebuke, encourage, and walk with those who share faith in Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. He is our perfection, and I'm as imperfect and messed up as they come without Him.

*I'd like to be an Islet of Langerhans in the body of Christ.

Slam Poet Peter Nevland

2009-01-03T00:19:00.001-06:00

I read an article about this guy on RELEVANTmagazine.com.

On passing deforesting construction on the way to school

2008-12-05T09:03:00.000-06:00

No more as merry shall be our young men
In the coming generations
As those of olden time forest and fen,
For instead of grand, adventurous play
They learn skills and calculations,
Thus painting their lives drab, dutiful gray.

School + bike = fun

2008-09-14T22:25:00.000-05:00

Brief Update, on the rare chance that I haven't driven off my dear readership from blog neglect:

back in school - Zoology, Drug Education, General Chemistry 1 (again), and History of Civilization 1
haven't moved back in to grandma's yet - lots of schoolwork!
been biking more - bus from school to work, bike from work to home
first Zoology test this Tuesday!

That's all for now, but I hope to manage a true update soon. Love y'all!

beautimus

2008-08-12T00:16:00.000-05:00

I love reading, but I haven't been good about actually picking up a book I've been interested in. Margaret Feinberg is an author whose work I've been wanting to read for a while and I finally got the chance thanks to a friend (Elizabeth!!) letting me borrow her copy of the organic God. The first chapter was read a few weeks ago, but last Monday and Tuesday when my aunt and I road-tripped to pick my littlest sister up I read through to the fourth or fifth chapter. This book is wonderful. She is an engaging writer sharing some of the aspects of God's character as found in the scriptures and relating some of the ways He has worked in her life. My brief critique doesn't begin to do it justice - I had as many "haha" moments as I did "aha" moments.

In one chapter she talks of God's beauty. The way she wrote it, that we often have a bottom-up view of beauty instead of a top-down view, has been stewing in my brain somewhat. We often look at the beauty in the people or things around us, nature, art, architecture, and appreciate the beauty found there. However we don't often look at the author of that beauty, the One who infused the lovliness found in the people and things around us. And our perception of beauty is often a bit lopsided and skewed, focusing very much on physical beauty, aesthetic appeal, and symmetry to some degree. I've also been watching some of the Dove Self-esteem & True beauty videos and just mulling over this idea of beauty - that the beauty and value to be found in a person is a reflection of the value of their Creator, the One who loves them and calls them beautiful. I don't think I'm smart enough to put it in my own words and I don't want to plagiarize either. Thankfully, as Derek Webb says, the truth is public domain:

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.- Ecclesiastes 3:11

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.-Psalm 27:4

And the following is not scripture but a poem that is often cited as Audrey Hepburn's favorite, one that she lived by. I found it posted on the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty forums:

Time Tested Beauty Tips

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody. Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others. The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

--Sam Levenson

What is beauty to you?

Graphic content

2008-07-30T23:01:00.000-05:00

This forlorn blog has been left untended too long. I've since updated account information, but haven't taken the time to post a real entry. This attempt at a post may not be a remedy to this slight internet injustice, but it will have to make due for now.

FACTS:

I'm working over the summer.
Fall semester looming ever nearer while I have yet to visit the academic advisor.
My advisor will be receiving an email from me within the week.
I've been bicycling to and from work at least once a week. Fun times! Adventure stories to come soon!

This image is some of the work that I did for our mom's birthday. I took some pictures of the sibs and I that I had on the computer, as well as lifting one from sissy's DeviantArt page, and then looked up "mother" in different languages with the help of Babelfish. From there I used the graphic editor that sissy downloaded onto my computer for me: GIMP.

I have limited previous experience from way back with an old version of PhotoShop and leave most of the cool photo manipulation and graphics rendering to my sis and bro, but it's been fun watching what sis can do, so I figured I would take a stab at it. And the software is a free download. The end product turned out pretty well and was printed on iron-on transfer paper, then ironed onto a cotton purse from Hobby Lobby. Ironed on the other side of the purse was a poem that I found which reminded me of our mom. She taught us to look at things differently, to look for a different perspective on things.

THE LOCKET

It was tarnished and old with a broken clasp.
I tossed it into the drawer.
Why did my mother give it to me,
and what would I want it for?
She said I liked it long ago
when it was shiny and new.
But why she thought I'd like it now,
I really wished I knew.
The years passed by, and my little girl
was going through my things,
slipping bracelets on her arm
and trying on my rings.
"What's this?" I heard my daughter ask
as she held it for me to see.
"Why, it's just an old locket," I replied,
"that your grandma gave to me."
"Oh, Mommy, isn't it beautiful? It's shaped just like a book
with pages you can turn inside and pictures...
Oh, look, Mommy, look."
I saw it then through a child's new eyes,
what I should have seen from the start,
the reason my mother treasured it so
and wore it close to her heart.
Now when I'm tempted to look at the surface,
discounting what's broken or old,
I think of the locket all tarnished outside
with an inside of purest gold.
~~ Author Unknown ~~

It kind of reminds me of the way God sees things too. He doesn't look at the outside, but looks to the inner parts of us, even the parts we don't really like or don't want others to see. God's beauty is on display everywhere. His majesty openly abounds to be seen if we'll let Him open our eyes.

Next Chapter

2007-03-21T20:59:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure if I would consider the contents of individual journals to be definitive chapters in my life, based on my late start and recent stochastic writing. Journal keeping was not a practice of mine until about the 5th grade. I would write at least a paragraph every day. The amount and variety of creativity in my journals expanded in junior high school and then homeschooling, when they would also be scrapbooks, copy books, sketchpads, and sratch paper. Each journal also seems to have a bit of its own personality, if you will, based on both the exterior design or style and the interior contents.

Some of these journals have not seen the light of day for one reason or another. Those unfortunate books that accompanied me through depression or anger just get left in whatever boxes they happen to be stored in. However, one of my favorite journals has a prominent spot on my bookshelf. It is tall, slim, and rich royal blue with a picture vines and flowers on the front and back covers. It was probably my first journal with unlined pages.

At first the idea of a journal with unlined pages was absurd, but then I found that I preferred it that way. There was a loose page that had leader lines if I wanted to use that, but more often than not there was such freedom in not confining my thoughts to those dull, evenly spaced lines. There are pages filled with text that curved around pictures or pasted movie tickets or text that spiraled around on the page, mimicking the way my thoughts had been spiraling around in my head that day. That was also the journal that saw my relationship with my best friend blossom and start to become what it is today. My feelings for that book are probably as strong as some of the feelings that are recorded in it.

I finished a journal that has been with me for approximately the last two years. That lifetime is due to the fact that I have been perfectly awful at maintaining any consistency in writing, despite the best of intentions. However, there is a new challenge to take record in one of the books that is awaiting selection as my new paper confidant. A young lady in the youth group at one of the churches (yes, there are two) I attend has taken up a personal summons to read the Holy Bible every day and write in her journal. She has also asked for accountability in this venture. She is an amazing young lady and I hope to be whatever help I can. Her move has also prompted me to make a similar commitment, not just to my books, but to God's Book, which has far stronger meaning and relevance in my life than anything I have penned.

The question now is the petite orange, oriental-dragon-embellished journal or the taller hand-dyed, natural fiber journal?

Juniors Eat Boogers

2007-01-28T20:14:00.000-06:00

I am a junior. Therefore, I eat boogers.

I thoroughly enjoyed our philosophical argument class a few semesters ago. Fun stuff.

This semester I am actually working on upper level classes toward my Bachelor degree in Biology. I am enrolled in Principles of Ecology, and Genetics for my Biology major. Elementary Physics I is not a biology class, but is required. Then I am also taking a 2D Design class, which has proven to be quite rewarding thus far. Perhaps I might even be able to take photos of some of my work and post it.

This blog has been sorely neglected.

I recently moved. Again. My best friend packed up a van and moved 25 hours away, so I moved back a little bit closer to my family. My new roommates are wonderful, sweet, amazing ladies, three of them. It is still quite new and foreign, being an alien bringing my unusual nuttiness with me. But these ladies have been inviting and accepting in every way. *ahhh* It is nice.

We don't have internet at the new home yet, but we might be connecting soon since it will be individually cheaper with four people splitting the cost. *Hooray!*

I do miss D, but not too achingly. Just a faint twinge of longing for her clever banter and our easy comraderie. Hopefully I will be able to commute to see her within the next six months. For now, I will do my best to make myself a productive member of my new home and do the best that I can in all of my endeavors.

God be with you!

Mid-term Jubilation

2006-10-31T14:08:00.000-06:00

I heard today in my Anatomy and Physiology Lab that there are approximately five weeks of class left for this semester. The accuracy of this statement isn't proven, mostly because I'm too lazy to look up a few dates, but it made me so happy. When last I left you I was just about to graduate from my first collegiate home with an Associate of Arts degree, which I did. I am now attending school at another, slightly larger institution not far from home. This semester has been exciting, but I confess that it has been more of an exercise in treading water. I'm just keeping my head above the surface as far as grades and stress go. However, I would not trade it. I'm enjoying the challenges that these classes are offering, especially my chemistry class. My current line-up is as follows:

Anatomy and Physiology II
Organic Chemistry -Short Course
Computer Fundamentals for Business Management
Introduction to Visual Arts

The last class is definitely the "fun" course for this semester. I had been signed up for a ceramics studio class, but being an upper-level elective it would have required a LOT of time outside of the class. With the two science classes and their labs (and maintaining enough hours at work to not leave all of the bills up to D) that studio course would have been too much. The Intro to Visual Arts is a two-hour class that meets once a week on Monday evenings. Earlier in the semester the drive home was through the downtown area, windows down, tuned in to public radio, and washes of peach, violet, and cyan in the early dusk. With the time change it is now the drive to class that frames the sun's decline in my windshield. Lovely. The class itself really helps keep the mood going.

I recently read something about the beauty of God, which I can't completely wrap my brain around outside of looking at creation, but I love the beauty of the things of nature. And as much as I love nature, I also admire the juxtaposition of the man-made buildings with their natural surroundings. Yeah, I probably should be doing some homework. I just wanted to assure the reader that I am still around, somewhere. God bless!

7 More Days

2006-05-11T09:54:00.000-05:00

I will be graduating with my first college degree in seven days!

"Temptation, thy name is P.O.D."

2006-02-02T13:06:00.000-06:00

I recently came into a bit of money, the refund of my Pell Grant for the spring semester, and am going to try to put it in my savings and sit on it. Three things that will most likely immediately draw from this little bit of money are an oil change for my car, the graduation fees for college, and some more paper for my classes.

However, as parsimonious as I may seem to other people, though not many, I find that the fact that I have a little extra money tends to make me feel that I am free to spend what little extra money I have. This would not be a healthy thing to do as I don't know how much I will make each pay period. The best idea would be to save this money in case I have to miss some hours at work and don't have enough for rent, the electric bill, gas, and food (why gas before food? As most college students will attest, Ramen noodles are cheap and easy to fix).

So, as much as I love my music, it will have to wait until I myself can afford to purchase it, which is at it should be. I don't think the new secretary of the treasury or my fellow tax payers really want to foot the bill for music that would probably not be as aesthetically pleasing to them.

REFLECTION:

This may be a whole post unto itself in a few days,
but I would like to reflect on the passing of Coretta Scott King.
We lost Rosa Parks last year.
That generation that won so many
freedoms and civil liberties
for so many
who had gone without them for so long is all but gone.
As many people have been saying on the news,
and will doubtless continue to expound upon,
it is now falling to the subsequent generations to
grab hold of the human rights torch and carry it
flaming into the future.
I hope to do my part.

Nutrition, Religion, and Music - Oh my (pounding headache)!

2006-01-24T13:24:00.000-06:00

All gears are definitely switched into school and work mode. Just beginning the second week of classes I am feeling quite content, happy even, to be back in school. I honestly missed the demands of reading and writing as well as the pleasures of class lectures and discussions.

For those of you who are curious, I am taking Nutrition, Intro to Music, World Religions, and World Literature 1650 to present. These are just your regular old core classes, but it's so much fun to be introduced to all this new information. In Nutrition we are building our base for the semester by discussing the Daily Food Guides and nutritional recommendations set forth by the government and health experts.

This morning in World Lit we discussed A Modest Proposal by Jonathon Swift. My goodness! Who would want to eat babies?! The discussion was definitely rich and explored the reasons behind his writing this piece, which was originally a pamphlet. It definitely would have gotten my attention. Another thing to be happy about is that I know some of the other students in the class, in particular a friend of mine for many years. Sharing a class is a good excuse to get to see her more often.

And that pretty much measures my academic life to this point in the semester. Now I have to run to the bookstore and see if they have received a shipment of the books needed for said World Lit class lest I fall behind and post lots of frowny faces on here. For today, a happy face :)

New Rockin' Hair Colour

2006-01-06T17:47:00.000-06:00

Okay, that is not an objective view on the current state of colouration on my crown, but it is temporarily not itself. Yes, in honor of the New Year, my sister and I both used a temporary hair dye on New Year's Eve. The picture is not a shot of either of our noggins, but it does somewhat illustrate the hue. The name of the colour was "Chill Plum," one of the shades in the L'Oreal Color Pulse line of temporary hair color mousse.

On their website, the color shows up as being more purple, which is what I was hoping for, but our hair came out more red. This was actually a nice result for both of us as our natural hair color has some red highlights, especially my sister. The color is also complimentary to our fair skin tones. It was fun and inexpensive, coming in at just under $5. Another nice thing about going the temporary route is that the dye shouldn't damage healthy hair as it has no ammonia or peroxide. My natural hair color is wonderful, but I just occassionally feel the need to have some fun with it.

In other news, I have finished my schedule for the upcoming Spring semester and revised my 5-year plan from becoming Registered Nurse to becoming a Doctor of Physical Therapy. I'm trying to still look around and see what my options are, while maintaining some grounding and not being blown by every new breeze of an idea that comes my way. (Thankfully I'm of a stout young woman and not easily moved.) The decision to change my course of study came with some degree of serious consideration. I had been planning on nursing mostly because that was the way I had been nudged for a while. Nursing would probably be challenging and fulfilling, but I think that I would enjoy and be more challenged and fulfilled by Physical Therapy. I will still keep my eyes and ears open. Thankfully I have a plethora (buzzword of 2000 anyone?) of advisors to gain insight, wisdom, and the understanding that I shouldn't try to do some things on my own.

Soon To No Longer Be a Student Without a School

2005-11-20T17:24:00.000-06:00

That title sounds funny.

Yes, I found out that I will be able to attend school again in the Spring semester, with help from the local and federal government. I wonder if I will be able to pay that back someday. Hmm...

In the meantime, I have since decreased my daily working hours from 12 to 11. I think that four 11-hour days of work is easier than four 12-hour days of work. It has been nice getting home an hour earlier for sure. This allows for more rest and less coffee consumption.

I have also been enjoying my computer at home. No, we don't have the internet, which might explain why I never post on here anymore, but I have a wonderful computer thanks to my uncle. This computer has afforded me the ability to start keeping a real budget, which I actually try to stick to quite closely. Mix CD's and CD case cover art for work have also been some projects that I have undertaken. It is so much fun to just play and see what can be done. Technology can be so cool sometimes!

If you are interested in more weekly detail of my life, I would like to invite you to swing by my xanga site, at http://www.xanga.com/senoritazorro . I post approximately once a week on there, sometimes more. Once school starts I will hopefully be able to keep better track of both of these blogs.

Please remember that the turkey was originally in the running for America's national bird when you dig in this Thanksgiving, if turkey is part of your meal. I hope that you all have a blessed Thanksgiving Day spent with loved ones!

New Post Past Due

2005-10-13T00:06:00.000-05:00

So I spent this past Saturday evening hearing the Good Word, eating good mexican food, and then allowing my parasympathetic nervous system to be sent through the wringer thanks to a bunch of giant Tripods and numerous close-up shots of very scared people. I really view Ms. Fanning as the next Jodie Foster. She is phenomenal on the big screen.

Did you know that there is a second Saw movie set to come out sometime within the next something, October 28th? Yes, I'm a bit excited about that because I am a sicko, as my sister has been unfortunate enough to be reminded of during the past few relatively lengthy drives to and from her dorm at school. She also aided me in diagnosing my olfactory malady: psychosomatic anosmia. She said that we needed to remember that.

Finally, I am looking forward to October 31st even more than I am Saw2. You might wonder why that is. It is because I'm a blood-thirsty pagan who enjoys the revelries of such an evening? Is it the excitement of make-ups, masks, and costumes? Or could it be the expectation of enough sugar to make my dentist really, really mad at me? While those all may be likely reasons, though hopefully not the first one, they are not THE reason. As of this October 31st, I will have three years of driving experience under my wheels. This means that I might be able to purchase less expensive auto insurance coverage! How exciting! Yeah, it's not quite the same without dancing lizards, but we try our best to please.

Does anyone else find irony in the date of my driving test?

I like to think that I helped steel my instructor against any other frights she might face that day.

Sinus No Stopus Runningus

2005-09-12T18:48:00.000-05:00

I have come down with some sinus something over the weekend and so decided not to go to my second job this evening. I do not wish to make my coworkers sick nor drip over all of the computer stuff.

Saturday was great. Sister and I got to go to Memphis for the first time, play lasertag, and eat some good food. Better than most of that was just the conversation in the cars on the way there and back. We had spiritual discussions on the way there with a young couple and one of the guys who resides at the ministry's building. Then on the way back, we drove with that guy, as well as the other guy who stays there, and an international student from Taiwan. We talked about Taiwanese political issues, movies, and the classic X-men cartoon series. It was a wondermous trip to be sure!

Sunday was a day of mild disappointment but greater enjoyment. The mildly disappointing part was being sick and not being able to go to church in the morning of the evening. The greater enjoyment part was being sick with my sister, watching movies, eating pizza, and endulging our love for peanut M&M's while simultaneously donating to the Susan G. Komen foundation. It would be great to be able to watch the entirety of Sense and Sensibility some time.

Not to Celebrate, but to Remember

2005-08-07T00:59:00.000-05:00

It is the 60th Anniversary. There will not be cake, ice cream, presents, or dancing. While the views differed and differ on necessity and implication, this is not a time or an event to celebrate.

What were we thinking?

"An excerpt from their poem, Floating Lanterns, reads: 'On August 6 every year, the seven rivers of Hiroshima are filled with lanterns. Painted with the names of mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers... they float on their way to the sea. Almost there, pushed back. Flames snuffed out. Darkly coming back in pieces. Tossed by ocean waves. Years ago, the rivers were filled... not with floating lanterns, but with the corpses of those mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers.'"

-from Art For a Change

Why I Still Follow Nancy's Advice

2005-08-02T14:55:00.000-05:00

Money – I do feel a little weird putting this one first. But even if I didn't have my moral judgments about it, I just don't have enough dough to buy any dope.
Moral obligations – Heretofore I am a teetotaler as well. I feel that what God says about not letting wine or strong drink corrupt your judgment also covers other judgment corrupting substances. Besides, Jesus didn't turn a bunch of grass into weed, now did He? no.
My siblings – what kind of example would I be setting? Not to mention, I wouldn't have the sharpness needed to form my witty comebacks, even if they are 20 minutes after the fact.
Heroine Bob – Heroine Bob is my hero. Not the needles though, those don't bother me. Nor the mixing alcohol and narcotics. But I really liked the way that he used chemistry to explain just why acid is really bad news.
Devon Sawa – Did you ever see Night of the Twister or Now and Then? Not to gross anybody out, but back before I knew better, I thought boys were cute. Specifically, I thought Devon Sawa was quite a looker, even if he did have a broken chromosome and cooties. As good looking as he is, and as bad as his character looked on acid, granted an insane amount of acid, I, a plain Jane, would not stand a chance of looking an eighth decent.
Neuronal Jerks – Not like mean, bully neurons beating the other, smaller ones up, at least I don't think. No, as naturally nervous(hyper) as I am, caffeine can sometimes give me muscle spasms or jerks. Not to mention messing with my already sporadic sleep patterns. So, caffeine is bad enough.
Roommate – She's my roommate, best friend, and probably the most well armed person that I know. “Dead meat” is a threat taken seriously when it comes from her.
Family history – Addictions have run in my family before, pretty closely related family. Most have been able to clean up, but it takes your body a l-o-n-g time to straighten things up after messing with it like that.
Sports – I heart my bicycle. I want to learn to run without looking like one half of a T-rex three-legged relay. If I ever get in the right condition, have the expendable income (see #1), and am eligible for any of the venues, BMX sounds awesome. I can dream, and it might come to pass. It is highly unlikely, but a lot more likely clean than not. Not to mention the drug screening that is done in any kind of serious competitive activity.
Life – This is like my miscellaneous, catch all category, but appropriately titled. I love just about everything about life. No matter how well you can remember something or dream it, our dreams and memories are not even a tenth as lush, detailed, and vibrant as our current state of consciousness. I don't want to be so dulled or numbed that I am walking around like I'm lost in my memory or in a bad dream. And in the case of those drugs that have the opposite effect, I already know how many pores I have on my nose. No thank you.

(This is Fiona's sister swearing that she was not on something when she wrote this list about why she isn't on something. Hard to believe that she wasn't, but I swear!)

(This is the roommate, pointing out the fact that the Feebs wrote all of this at one-to-two in the morning. To know why this is ironic, see number six. Also, no, she wasn't joking in number seven.)

A Student Without a Class to Take

2005-07-28T10:27:00.000-05:00

It is with some sadness that I say that I will not be attending classes this fall, though I will still be calling myself a student. After taking my financial aid papers back up to the school, it was definite that I would not be able to get all of that wrapped up in time for the deadline. So, no fall semester for me.

I do feel rather glum about it. "It will be like an extended vacation, just with a full time job as well." But, you know what, God will still see me through this. It may all be for the best. I was hoping to take the Spring semester off anyway. This way I will just be extending my summer vacation. I plan to schedule times to study so that my gray matter doesn't trickle out my ears and slosh away in protest. This looks scary from here, but the best will be made of it.

The good news is, I may have more time to spend with Sister and Brother. This will be her first semester away at college, so she might want to come home pretty often. This way my wheels might be more readily available to her. We already planned to try to spend as much time together as we possibly could.

Another bonus is that I will not have to forego helping out with the kids at church. And since our pastor's wife is hoping to get something started for the youth on Wednesday nights, I may be able to be a part of that. I definitely want to pray about it though. I know that I would love to work with the youth, but I don't that God would have me be in a position of leadership in that kind of ministry. I'm not certain that leadership is one of my gifts. But I definitely have a heart for the youth of our church and hope that I can connect with them still being kind of close in age. Who knows?

Well, I know Who knows. That's why I'll be praying about all of this.

The moral of the story is:

Listen to your younger but wiser sister and get your financial aid papers finished and turned in straightaway.

And don't eat liver with onions followed by macaroni and cheese from the box. Just trust us on this one.

I'm a Democrat?!

2005-07-04T21:47:00.000-05:00

My sister and I have done a lot of quizzes just for fun. Also, we both like the West Wing to varying degrees. Therefore, finding this quiz and filling it out was just appropriate. Hee! So, Sister, try this quiz if you get the chance. I would guess that you might be C.J. Craig. What do you think? (And how in the world did I get Sam Seaborn? He's crazy! Okay, maybe not as crazy as Donna. I kind of think I'm more like Donna anyway: gullible.)

The idealistic speechwriter is well-liked by just about everyone. He's known for his excellent writing, sense of humor, and tendency to be clutzy. Although being younger than the rest of the staff, he's often treated as so, much to his dismay.

:: Which West Wing character are you? ::

Reflections E-mail from Planetwisdom

2005-06-27T09:47:00.000-05:00

This is from an old e-mailing that I used to get from Planetwisdom.com. As is usual, my mailbox is a mess, so I decided to try to clean it up a bit. This is from sometime last February, so it's pretty old, but I thought that it was definitely worth sharing.

If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness.
- Romans 8:10

In my backyard we removed about seven trees and an entire wall of ivy. We started landscaping from a clean slate... well almost. You see, under the ground there is still a massive network of ivy roots. Every week new ivy shoots begin to spring from the ground. I pull them out and they grow back. It has become a weekly routine. The other day I actually said to myself, "When will these ivy roots get tired of this game? When will they give up?"

Of course, they will never give in. They are what they are. They are ivy roots. They know one thing and that is to grow ivy. It has nothing to do with will, but character. The character of the ivy root is to grow ivy. It doesn't have to will it to happen, it just does. And no amount of desire will stop it.

Now this is quite like our lives. Before Christ, we had a heart that sinned. We didn't have to will to sin, we just did. And no amount of will power could turn our lives from sin. After Christ, we have been given a new spirit by which we can now seek righteousness. This spirit is still trapped in a dead body of flesh that knows only what it has been trained to do - sin. So while our new heart wants to follow Christ, we struggle with our former ingrained character. We must continually crucify the flesh and walk in the Spirit, allowing the Spirit of God and the Word of Christ to transform us from the inside out. It is a process. It is a journey. We are in it together.

Josh Matlock

Proud Oldest seeks time with Genius Siblings

2005-06-17T14:50:00.000-05:00

Is there anyone else that is a sibling, especially an oldest? There are plenty of things about life that are worth enjoying. Being a mom or dad is probably great, but I haven't gotten to that point yet. So, for right now, my favorite hat is that of the "big sister," which potentially has double intimations, but we won't go there, will we?

Either anywho, the local library system's summer reading program is here and my little sister, all of 8 spunky years old, has dived right in. Along with reading all of the books that she can check out and carry in her book bag, she has also been attending the programs that they have. Both today and Tuesday I got to go with her. I enjoyed Tuesday because it was about birds of prey from the local zoo: a kestrel, a black vulture, a (huge) owl, and a red-tailed hawk. The library was packed with these little creatures that couldn't have been taller than three or three and a half feet. They were everywhere! Of course, my little creature wasn't all that impressed with the guy from the zoo. She already knew everything about these birds from watching The Crocodile Hunter on Animal Planet. Of course.

The calendar of events said that this morning's program was supposed to be about recycling, but it was actually about monster legends of Arkansas, the Boggy Creek Monster, the Gurdon Light, and the White River Monster. But, they were sneaky about it. They also told us about protecting our natural resources, our wetlands, our air, and our water. Pretty clever, huh?

Yes, we had a good time. On Tuesday we walked home chasing the shade. It probably wasn't any hotter than a few billion degrees outside, but the walk wasn't too long. It's only a couple thousand miles back to my grandma's house from the library. Thankfully, I was walking with my little sister. If you know anything about little sisters, they are quite the curious things. She can talk about almost anything. This morning, due to the precipitive weather, we just drove back home. We still talked about as many of the same important things that we could think of, like when we'll next go swimming or playing in the mud in the backyard. Ah.

If you get the chance, spend a few hours with a younger sibling. Whether you're reading a book, wrastling, swimming, walking, or anything, you're going to have a good time and probably learn quite a bit too. Especially about bugs, crocodiles, and crayons, or maybe that's just my little sister. Find out.

A Summer Without a Brother

2005-06-16T10:03:00.000-05:00

This is my "ode" to my brother, who is spending the summer with my uncle and his family as of this past Tuesday. I am hoping that he is having a good time. He lives in a house with four females, six including the cats. So, this will be an escape from being the only brother in the family. My uncle has two sons that are a bit younger than my brother. In this way he will not only get to hang out with guys, but he'll be the oldest kid in the house too.

While he is away, my sister and I intend to do something that should annoy him, but probably won't. We haven't yet figured out what that is, but when we do, that is what we will do, definitely.

Who am I kidding? WE MISS YOU!

P>S> Maybe Batman Begins will be at the dollar theatre when you get back. hm?

They Charge You Money!?!

2005-06-11T01:12:00.000-05:00

My last paycheck was not the kind of paycheck that makes you want to kiss your boss and buy everyone a candy bar. My last paycheck was kind of puny because of the lack of hours that I logged at work. I missed two days to help a friend with the loss of his mother. Then I didn't get a whole 8-hour shift in because we ran out of work to do that day. So, my rent that came due that weekend was enough to eat just about my entire paycheck and most of the contents of my checking account, minus tithe and food money.

In fact, BBB and I needed to get some food since we didn't have much left. It's no fun to be out our own and starving (not that I have nor will likely ever experience anything close to starvation, perhaps not even true hunger). I walked up to the bank attempting to both save gas and get some exercise in. I took out exactly $15 hoping that it would be enough to bye the essentials that we needed. I then trotted over to the grocery store, which was having some truly amazing specials. I was able to get one gallon of milk, two loaves of bread, bologna, a bag of spinach, a bottle of ketchup, a can of chili, some cheese, a box of cereal, and something else, I think. That was all for about $14.25! It was wonderful! And my sister found $10 in my purse when she came with me to the bank, which was in immense help. I am so blessed in that I am well taken care of. God has orchestrated so many things to keep me from totally drowning in so many situations. Not to mention the best family and friends that I could ever hope to imagine to think to ask for.

If only it didn't cost anything to read books. Wait, there is a way! The library!

Ciao, y'all!

"Do You Trust Me?"

2005-05-10T16:21:00.000-05:00

The other day I went to fix a sandwich for work and decided to have chicken lunch meat, as that was the only lunchmeat left in the fridge besides the big pack of turkey lunchmeat. The turkey lunchmeat is newer, and I am somewhat crazy about rotating our grocery stock. It certainly wasn't past date, but I checked with my olfactory organ just to make sure that it was okay. Then I stopped myself. Can any processed, packaged wannabe meat be "okay."

And we muddle through still.

I don't know if I have mentioned it much on here, but I am living in an apartment with my best friend now. It is kind of interesting so far. We still haven't gotten everything unpacked, but the dining/living room is coming together. BBB hung up some of the artwork the other day, and it really livened it up, made it even more like home. We've both kind of gotten used to moving, probably she more than I, so it hasn't been too hard for us to feel at home. That actually happened pretty quick. I think what we're starting to do now is set up those little habits and peculiarities for us in our new place.

Like eating food that I would otherwise turn my nose up to. Ohh... I remember the days when I had a waistline. They weren't so long ago, were they?

Randomocity

2005-05-05T13:48:00.000-05:00

" I have just a little more than 20 minutes, I can make it. Get in there, get the job done, and get out... in 20 minutes. Alright, let's give it a go. First the left and let it warm up. Oh, not too hot. A little bit of the right one. Nope, I need it warmer. Ugghh... too hot. Let's get this right. A little bit of cold water. Aackk, that's much... more... freezing..."

Tomorrow's Headline: COLLEGE STUDENT DIES OF HYPOTHERMIA While Attempting to Take a Shower

As sad as the circumstance is, there is a lesson to be learned: remember to always turn the knobs slowly.

~~,~~~@~~~`~~~@~~~,~~~@~~~`~~~@~~~,~~

Es el fin de semestre.

Hallelujah is a universal word.

My last Chemistry test (prior to the final) was today. My brain has already begun it's more complex form of post-semester decomposition.

I look forward to walking, working, hiking, biking, reading, and praying more over the summer.

Today is the National Day of Prayer. Check your calendar, it's on there. Check your life, is it in there?

Physical Brain States

2005-04-14T01:18:00.000-05:00

This morning in Philosophy, we continued our dicussion on the philosophy of the mind. Our good friend René Descartes is in on this discussion as well, as he was in many of the areas of philosophical discourse.

We were discussing the views of Dualism, more specifically substance dualism, versus Materialism in the question of whether the mind is a seperate thing from the body. I don't think that I could adequately relate both views, but I will try for the quickie versions. The substance dualist might say that there are two kinds of substances in reality, matter (physical substance) and mental substance, the body and brain being physical matter and the mind being made of this mental substance. The simple problem with this is that there is no way to prove the existence of "mental matter," or how the mind would then interact with the physical matter that is our brain.

The materialist tries to simplify the problem further by saying that there is no such thing as the mind or mental matter. There is only the physical body, the brain. Any thoughts, feelings, or mental states that we have are equivalent with the physiological processes that we have observed during these mental states. Our professor used pain as his pet example. Studies using MRI scans have shown that certain fibers in the brain, c-fibers, fire when people experience the mental state of pain. He said that there is a bit more to it than that, but that the materialist says this mental state is not something that we experience seperate from the physiological response: we have no "mind."

The problem with Materialism is that if there is no mind, if we don't experience mental states apart from our physical states, then what makes us who we are? This view would have us understand ALL of our mental states (pain, love, joy, anger, fright, confusion, etc.) to simply be physiological, perhaps chemical reactions taking place in our brain and central nervous system. Our professor said that this gets tricky because by believing this, you are basically saying there is no soul.

All this to tell you that when I heard this in class, it made me think of the story of the little mermaid, the actual one by Hans Christian Anderson. In the story, mermaids don't have immortal souls. When they die, they simply turn to foam. In a weird, funny way, if one subscribes to Materialism, then they believe that we turn to foam when we die. My reasoning for this is that the materialist says that mental states = brain states. Therefore, when our brain dies, we die. Well, during the process of natural decomposition of the body, the brain is one of the organs that goes early. This is because "all the bacteria in the mouth chew through the palate," says Arpad Vass in Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach. The brain is quite soft and apparently easy for the bacteria to munch. "The brain liquefies very quickly. It just pours out the ears and bubbles out the mouth." This is known as "frothy purge."

So, if you believe that we are just physical matter and firing electrons, then you might say that we too turn to foam when we die.

A Shared Sagacity

2005-04-07T23:57:00.000-05:00

"Ask the former generations and find out what their fathers learned, for we were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow."
-Job 8:8-9

Earlier this afternoon, I was able to visit a good friend of mine whom I have not been previosuly disposed to see for the past three weeks or so. Thelma is a friend of the lady that I used to live with, Helen. Helen made it a certain habit to go and visit Thelma every Friday afternoon, as often as she was able. She took the two local newspapers to Thelma, and we would stay and watch Jeopardy. They had known each other for many, many years. When their husbands were still alive, they would all spend time together. Sister has met Thelma one time, and I imagine that she could confirm my saying that Thelma is a wonderful lady.

She called me the other evening and told me that her daughter, who had been battling cancer for some time, passed away. I cannot begin to imagine the pain of losing a child, no matter what his or her age. Thelma's granddaughter, Kelly, has been helping both her mother and grandmother. She has been taking it quite hard since she had been so close to her mother through much of her ordeal. Thelma was matter-of-fact. She didn't cry or ask me to come see her, but when you're grieving, if you're like me, you need people whether you tell them that or not. We were both glad to see each other when I did stop by.

Despite the slight melancholic atmosphere, we had what was pretty much one of our regular conversations. We talk about so many things. I think that we think alike; instead of thinking linearly, we both use circular strings of thought (though mine might actually be more entropic than that). The conversation got around to the uses of profanity, and then marital disputes. Thelma has had many rich life experiences, and she is wonderful at sharing the gems of knowledge that she has collected along the way. "If you and your husband are ever upset or angry with each other, you should dress yourself up, have your husband dress up, and go out. Do something that you both enjoy doing. Have fun together."

There is a story that goes with this pearl of wisdom. At one time Thelma worked for the Family Services Agency. She saw many couples that would come in for counseling, and as numerous as they were, they often shared similar problems. One lady came to see a counselor about her relationship with her husband feeling worn-out. The counselor asked her, "What did you and your husband do for fun before you married?" "Well, we used to go fishing," the somewhat befuddled lady replied, for what does fishing have to do with an unhappy marriage? The counselor then further inquired as to when they had last gone fishing together. "I can't even remember, it's been so long," was the lady's response. "Sometime within the next two weeks, if you can, get your fishing gear together, perhaps pack a picnic lunch, and go fishing with your husband."

With the counselor's order fresh in her mind, the lady went home and pulled out their old rods and reels. Her husband wasn't quite sure what was going on, but he didn't mind a short vacation from the mundane. They packed into the car, stopped and bought some bait at the store, and spent a warm afternoon at the lake. They didn't catch very much more than the few flies that tried to infiltrate their lunch.

When the lady next went to see the counselor, she was asked how things were going. The lady explained, "Well, I took your advice. Bill and I went fishing. We didn't really catch anything and we did get a bit of a sunburn. But that was the most fun that we've had together in years."

In this manner Thelma related an important piece of advice for me to remember: you have to be friends with your spouse. You should be able to have fun together.

Sometimes opening a bucket of worms isn't such a bad thing.

Green Chickpeas

2005-04-01T03:57:00.000-06:00

Last night, which is still only one or two hours ago, was splendid. At work, we completed our work load and left two hours early. We were also sent home with goodies since there had been a party earlier today. The day shift left some wonderful things: chocolate covered peanuts, some exquisite peanut butter fudge cheesecake stuff, a meat and cheese tray, and some salsa con queso. I brought home the rest of the peanut butter cheesecake stuff and the salsa con queso. Mmm.

After work, since I got off early, I planned to go watch the rental movies with Sister and Brother, but they were going out to the movies with Mom and Jolly. So, much to my delight, I was able to watch a movie with Grandma. We declined to view the rental movies in favor of an old film version of Little Lord Fauntelroy, based on the book by Frances Hodgson Burnett. When we were still homeschooling, this book was on the list of books that Mom wanted us to read, and I actually read it. I think that I first heard the story when Mom read it to us. (And that's a wonderful habit, I think. Sharing treasured stories aloud, whether by recitation or reading, is such an amazing memory.)

I forgot how funny it was, and there were some very notable actors of the day in the movie. Mickey Rooney played the role of Dick, the shoeshine boy that was friends with young Ceddie. One of the Barrymore ladies was in it as well, but I don't think that it was Ethel, and I honestly couldn't tell you for sure. Grandma worked on the houseshoes/bedsocks that she is knitting while we both watched the film. It was nice.

Driving home in these wee hours has been nice. There is almost no one else on the road, and I can roll the windows down, turn the radio on (or not) and just take my time. I was especially taking my time this evening. After turning onto East German Canal street, I saw a light, tan-colored feline slinking across the five lanes not too far ahead. It did hurry up and finish across. Further down, when I was closer to home, I spotted something by the trash bags that were moping in front of one of the darkened houses. I slowed down to make sure that I didn't hit it, and I caught a glimpse of it: a raccoon. I went a few driveways up and turned around to go see it again. I was stalking a small, foraging raccoon at 1:00 in the morning. I finally did go home after getting in a few more good looks at him.

Well, if I don't want to look like he did, I better go ahead and go get some sleep. I feel like I might fall asleep on the keyboarlkj e li sdlkfj nr aokls oiwer/;/o awiiuse;rl.

She said of the library, "I'm not impressed."

2005-03-31T16:30:00.000-06:00

No, I have not traveled overseas this past week, I haven't even left the state. However, I have had a good week so far. On Tuesday I did get to go hiking, sort of. BBB and I went to meet some of her friends at a mountain that's not too far away. (People from out of town say that it's really more of a hill, but it's the closest that we have. ) They didn't show up, so we just hung out at the playground area and walked one of the flat trails. There were a LOT of kids there. Many, many children were running around. The weather was wonderful, so it was understandable. Almost perfect spring break weather. After walking the flat trail, we just went home and ate lunch. I watched Tuck Everlasting for the first time. Of course, I cried at the end. It was sappy and sweet.

Yesterday, Sister and I took another short road trip, a little bit longer than to the mountain, to visit one of the colleges that she is interested in attending in the fall. There was a young man who attended the school that guided a short, one-hour walking tour around the campus. It is a large campus. While we were in that area, Sister treated me to lunch and we also stopped in at a Cingular store. We really stopped in to get directions to the college, but the lady that worked there also told us about the different calling plans that they have. Pretty cool. I don't know if Cingular is the company that I will want to go with. I would prefer to shop around a little bit more.

Sister and I also checked out three more movies yesterday: Vanity Fair with Reese Witherspoon (and Bob Hoskins *grin*), Henry V, because Brother has been wanting to check that out for some time, and The Station Agent. I have been interested in the last movie since it came out. I am just hoping that it was a good pick. Some of the movies that we have brought home have been somewhat embarrasing. We watched Vanity Fair the other evening, and it wasn't so bad. Some parts brought out my soft, sentimental side. But, Sister says that the ending was happy, or good, or something like that. Not too many people died completely, so she might be right.

That leaves today. Quite a few loads of laundry were done today. I also got some real sleep the evening last. I think I will also get some real sleep tonight. And tomorrow will be lots of fun. Pizza and a movie with the kids at church, swimming with Little Sister, and the mystery dinner theater with Bestest Best Buddy. Good times, good times. I hope that you have a wonderful day tomorrow as well!

Don't fool or be fooled too much.

Dubo Yubou Spubeak "Zuboom Spubeak"?

2005-03-28T14:57:00.000-06:00

My brain is currently on vacation. It left sometime last Friday, about 1:20pm, I think. Spring Break, so far, has been nothing special to speak of. That's not completely true. Yesterday was lovely, and Saturday was nice too. I have had a good time. It's just not flying to Barcelona or tripping around Rome in a pair of espadrillas, a flowered sundress, and a large, floppy straw hat. That's probably a good thing though, as I don't speak a bit of Italian. The only Italian words that I know are those that are related to The Olive Garden. Maybe I should eat there more often. Mmm... eggplant! Nah, I really like my grandma's eggplant spaghetti better. Besides, I'd rather go camping right now than hop across the pond.

I don't drink nor do I plan on drinking, but I feel like I understand, at least a little bit, what a hangover must feel like. I am fairly certain that mine is caused by a combination of elevated blood sugar and sleep deprivation. Again last night, I stayed up until about 3:00 in the morning watching season one DVDs of Dead Like Me with Sister and Brother. Certain amounts of ice cream and soda were consumed as well. Oh, the throbbing pain of idiocy. I slept a little bit late, so perhaps it won't be too big a deal.

Perhaps getting out and running would alleviate some of the pain. That and drinking more water. It isn't raining today as it has been for the past few. I very much hope that it remains sunny and dry so that I can go hiking. Plans to drag the siblings, BBB, and whoever else I can get to come along have already been formulated. But, not today. It will still be too wet. There is also cleaning and packing to be done here at home. In a little less than a month now, BBB and I will be on our own. Exhiliration and anxiety.

Our apartment will be my third move within the past year. It seems like it has been longer since Helen went home, and still not that long at all. I haven't been out to visit, or called her niece or brother-in-law. I do want to, but I don't have any clue what to say, other than to tell them that I'm moving... again. *sigh* It seems that the changing of address kind of mimics what's happening in other areas of my life. I feel quite fluid right now. There are a few fairly stable factors at play (same job; still keeping in constant contact with my family; my best friend and I are still friends and neither has dismembered the other, yet). There is just a desire to root somewhere. Not a physical place. I have a sneaking suspicion that some might say I am "looking for myself." I don't know if that's a bad way to look at it, but I do feel a little lost to myself. What do I believe and why do I believe that? Who am I in the context of my relationships? Do my relationships define who I am?

One thing that I do know, as certainly as I can know anything, is that my relationship with my Redeemer has defined me in a different way, redefined me. He has made me better than I could ever be on my own. If we had to wear our souls for our bodies, I can guarantee you that mine wouldn't be a very pretty sight. But it looks exceedingly better than it used to. A redeeming work through the blood of Jesus Christ has wrought this soul into something much more comely than it's previously gnarled, scarred, and jagged self. All I could do was cry out. He gave the grace. I received the forgiveness.

Disclaimer: As introspective as this may sound, I'm still a total garbanzo bean. But I know that you love me anyway! (well, you didn't have to make that face, hmph!)

Romanticizing My Childhood

2005-03-24T00:52:00.000-06:00

I walked to church this evening for the first time in a while, at least two months. My feet know the way to go. They know where to fall to avoid holes; they can almost gracefully balance on the familiar curbs of the familiar homes. My entire teenage life was spent in this neighborhood. My feet have walked miles and miles around this area. When they drained the lake years ago, my feet took me across the alien landscape in search of the abandoned pearly shells of gastropods. In that late fall/early winter, the drained lakebed looked like an ancient desert that was years without the thought of hydration (nevermind the little spots of quickmud that sucked our adventurous little feet into its frigid depths up to our calves, stealing our shoes and caking our socks: icky!).

The recent news of the death of our beloved canine companion, the only dog that we as a family have ever had, has been sort of hulking in the corner of my mind. When he left along with our step-dad, it didn't occur to me that I would never see him alive again. I wasn't a young child either; I had seventeen years. Walking to church and just looking around this neighborhood kind of made me feel a little like I did when I found out about Ben.

BBB and I will be moving into an apartment not too long from now. This will be my last month or so in this neighborhood which has been my home for the greater part of my maturation. Almost exactly half of my present lifetime, more precisely. Our family synthesized here when I was about 10 or 11. I will be (the ghastly age of) 21 later this year (horrors!). There are so many small, seemingly insignificant things to remember about this area. Three different houses in this area have been called my home. A few more could have been considered my part-time homes, as I spent so much time with my friends. These have even overlapped twice. Two of my part-time homes became my full-times homes at different times. This area has been the backdrop for a rich, vivid, and full adolescent life.

The more that I think on it, there is a certain amount of personal symbolism in my leaving. I have been a teenager here, cared for by those who love me. It is time for me to strike out as a young adult and try to begin to care for myself (though I still fully intend to mooch leftovers from Grandma's house as often as possible). I am leaving old friends whom I have long since lost contact with. Also being left are my adolescent hurts and sorrows, my misadventures, some fond memories. I will still have them, but lacking the constant visual reminder, they will continue to fade. But this is not a bad thing at all. There is still church to attend out this way. There are friends that do still live here that I intend to visit. My bicycle or car can easily bring me here when I need or desire to come. And BBB and I both like the new area that we are moving to. I am just a little sad to think that I will never again live in this neighborhood. No more walking out my door and strolling around the lake or racing nothing-and-everything down the big hills on my bicycle. Of course, no more falling INTO the lake or crashing my bicycle at the bottom of the hills. Now the only things left to do are to load up the boxes and let the ink dry. This chapter is just about done.

Sunny With a High of 75

2005-03-18T01:12:00.000-06:00

There are times when, despite my personal efficacy and self-confidence, I feel like a total flake. It is usually a fleeting feeling, but I think that it really does help in a way. Perhaps it is a sort of conviction. It reminds me of Plato's writing on Socrates. Socrates is quoted as saying something to the effect of, "I am the wisest man alive, because I know that which I do not know." My father has quoted this line a few times and asked the siblings and me if we understood what it meant. In a basic way perhaps, you know your limits. You admit that you do not know everything. If I remember, Socrates took it so far as to say that he knew nothing, or very, very little. Some other philosophers of the skeptical variety postulate that we cannot know anything with certainty.

These kinds of arguments are fun to take on because when attempting to refute the skeptic, you really end up going in circles. "How do you know that we can't know anything with certainty?" one might ask. The skeptic might answer, "We don't even know that." It's similar to playing a game of "Why?" with a young child. You end up going in frustrating circles (I personally often find it amusing. It's fun to watch Little Sister find out that she won't be able to bother the stuffing out of me just by asking me a monosyllabic question repeatedly for five minutes).

Here is a link to the most recent news that I have been able to find about the battle to keep Terri Schiavo's feeding tube from being removed: http://www.phillyburbs.com/pb-dyn/news/103-03172005-464611.html. Her feeding tube is currently set to be removed as scheduled, tomorrow afternoon. There are some lawmakers still attempting to prevent this from happening, but there is a good deal of opposition. Removal of Ms. Schiavo's feeding tube will not result in immediate death, but rather starvation, which is not definite in the amount of time that it will take. Lots of praying to be done!

2005-03-16T13:56:00.000-06:00

I posted this information on my (still pretty new) xanga a few days ago, but I also wanted to post it on here as I don't think that many of my friends are yet able to tolerate reading both. This morning I would like to ask that you look at the case of Terri Schiavo. You have probably at least heard her name in the news. The website for the foundation that her family has started on her behalf shares this information:

In 1990, Terri Schindler-Schiavo collapsed in the home she shared with her husband, Michael Schiavo. The cause of her collapse is unknown to this day.
Terri fell into a coma but awakened from her comatose state weeks later. She was left in what medical professionals call a "locked in state" with limited abilities to communicate or move.
During the first months that followed Terri's mysterious collapse, she made progress. Medical practitioners noted her efforts to speak and her responsiveness.
To this day, Terri remains disabled. Though she is responsive to stimuli, interacts with her environment and her loved ones and is capable of communicating in limited ways, she is a disabled and vulnerable adult - requiring protection, therapy and the route to recovery.

It also states that she receives food and water via a gastric feeding tube. The reason that her name has been in the news is because her husband has asked that the feeding tube be removed, which would cause death by starvation. Her family is trying to prevent this from happening and have offered to take care of her. That is a very simple idea of what has been a long, difficult, and complicated battle.

This was brought to my attention because I received an e-mail from the American Family Association with a link that allows you to send an e-mail to your Senator and Representative about a bill that was introduced that would hopefully protect people in this situation, the Incapacitated Person's Legal Protection Act (H.R. 1151 and S. 539):

'To amend title 28, United States Code, to provide the protections of habeas corpus for certain incapacitated individuals whose life is in jeopardy, and for other purposes.'
http://capwiz.com/afanet/alert7191461.html - to e-mail representatives

I don't know if anyone else is confused about some of this as much as I am, but I do believe that human life has value. If you want to, use the AFA link and e-mail your Congressmen that way, write your own e-mails or letters to them, or find out their phone numbers and call them. Just do what you are capable of to make your voice and your beliefs known. (And not just on this issue. How do feel about our military's overseas actions? What about Social Security reform? Federal Debt? It's a lot to deal with, but we are all effected and therefore have a right and obligation to inform our government of how we wish to be governed.)

Thanks for bearing with me through this. Please give thanks to God for the life that you have, and all of the little blessings that we let slip under our gratitude radar. Before you do anything else, just especially pray for this family and others like them.

Much love to you all!

Mission 1: Complete

2005-03-12T12:25:00.000-06:00

About a month or so ago, Sister posed a challenge for me on her blog. "FIRST CHALLENGE: 25 REASONABLE MEANINGS FOR THE ACRONYM ACT." Since I did not have to go to work today (though I have a good laundry list of things to do around the house, especially cleaning my room!) I have been able to complete the list.

Adam Called Todd - Thanks D!
Armadillos Caution Truckers - definitely an Arkie, aren't I?
Alley Cat Tango - Thanks T!
Advocate Civil Treatment
Advanced Calculus Torture
Airy Crayon Tracings
Awesome Canyon Trails
Another Crazy Tale - one of my many autobiographies
Aardvark Cooking Tutorial
American Car Traders
Applied Calculus Theories
Apeman Called Tarzan
Abetting Collared Trainrobbers
Archaic Copper Tools
Approved Cancer Treatments
Apothecaries' Coveted Techniques
Aromatherapy Candle Tienda
Annotated Chaucer Treasury
Angst Corrupted Teenagers - we are, we are, we are
Ailurophile Convention Tradeshow - the latest in fur care + massages that make you say "mew" - I thought you might like this one Sis
Anemone Coloration Trends
Angry Cartoonist's Tirade
Arbitration Canceled Today
Abundant Canned Tuna
Archetypical College Teacher - Dr. K! extremely knowledgeable, cares about his students, upon occasion as intimidating as a grand piano dangling directly above you from a few spindly spider threads

Well Sis, I hope these meet your approval. I also hope that you're having good time at your Aggressive Speaking Tourney, which is probably where you are right now. "You're so far away. Doesn't anybody stay in one place any more?" Send my love to the gals, the guys, Ms. Dusk and Ms. Whiz! And lots of love to you too!

Shivers

2005-03-12T04:47:00.000-06:00

As is habit, I am not asleep yet. I actually got off work somewhat early. I got to pester one of my buddies from the floor. (If you're reading this, thanks for letting me bug you! If you're not reading this... uh) After talking with three of the nicest [looking ;)] guys at work for a while, I dashed. I have had a mild craving for egg rolls again. Since today was pay day, I made a run to Wally World after leaving work. One package of vegetable egg rolls and a half gallon of rocky road ice cream hopped into my cart, accompanied me to the check out, and came home with me. The desire for Rocky Road was a result of listening to Joan Jett but singing the Weird Al lyrics with Bestest Best Buddy (BBB) earlier this week. This trip gave me just enough time to drop the goodies at home and run to pick up my friend, our Household Mother Figure (HMF).

When I drive I like to have the radio on. When the radio is on, I like to have the bass turned up. Just about everything sounds better with the right amount of bass. Even Felix Mendelssohn sounds good with it, though there is really no need to improve on his music. Sometimes it is just nice to mix things up by turning the radio off and listening to the hum of the road as you glide along above it.

Since we were both tired and somewhat hungry when I picked her up, she treated me to IHOP for supper. Turkey sandwich. Not bad. Needs spinach.

I am beginning to feel tired. My ears are a little itchy inside. Definitely sleepy. I noticed that BBB bought another movie. Surprise did not markedly register on my face when I realized what movie it was. She may not say so as much, but I believe that she has accused me of being gross, which I most certainly am. But this movie gets really gross to. Needy, nihilistic insomniacs making soap and bombs while beating each other to bloody pulps. A wonderful movie to be sure.

Well, I had better at least try to get some sleep. I have been getting considerably less than is recommended. Maybe I should take some Valerian root and get more exercise.

CONSTANT(ly Missing the Subtext of the Brainy Movie L)INE

2005-03-10T03:06:00.000-06:00

I must admit it: I have another love. In addition to this wonderful blogger account, I have recently created an account with xanga.com, under the name senoritazorro (yes. I do indeed know just how original and creative this naming was. I am a college student and do not currently have the time to waste on luxuries like creativity, imagination, sleep, or breathing). The point of creating this second account is mostly for the purpose of interacting with friends who have accounts on xanga, as the posting of comments is exclusive to members. I will probably also try to affect a more relaxed writing style. Or not. I may at some point decide to leave one service for the other, though I cannot say. Another possible scenario would be to post entries simultaneously to both accounts. I do not know if there are any regulations of any sort against such behavior, as I hold the copyright to my thoughts (I think). Rambling on...

Another recent development has left me feeling a little colder than before. Especially my neck and shoulders. Yes, I have been shorn. My hair was somewhat long, to the bottom of my shoulder blades I believe. As Sister did, I have opted to donate my hair to Locks of Love in the hopes that it is long enough and in good enough condition. I have been told that I have very nice hair and I accept this statement. It is full, thick hair with natural high- and low-lights. A little bit of conditioner goes a long way. Sometimes I can get away without using any.

I do not currently miss my long hair necessarily. I do like the hair cut. It will just take getting used to seeing myself with short hair. Since today, technically yesterday, was my first day to wear it short, I will probably be mostly adapted to how it feels by Saturday. There will be more people to shock, which is always fun. I enjoy attention, preferably positive. Geek? Why, yes I am!

Sleep must be attained within twenty-five minutes for optimum operation of all mechanisms and processes tomorrow. I will go count naked sheep now. G'night and God bless!

Dismantling [personal] Atomic Bombs

2005-03-05T00:11:00.000-06:00

If I asked if there are any U2 fans out there, I would probably (hopefully) get a good response. They are not my favorite band, though I do really, really, really like their music, and other aspects of the band. Brother let me borrow his copy of their latest release, How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. I have not been able to listen to it through, but I did start listening to it this morning while I was getting ready for school. The majority of the music that I listen to is either Christian Rock, Christian Urban, Classical, Prairie Home Companion (on NPR), or the Midnight Special (on NPR). But, I also like listening to the music that Brother and Sister like to listen to as well. They have good ears. And it's nice to find common ground. Music can be very good at bringing people together. (Unfortunately, it can also have a polarizing effect, but that's another post, or not.)

Desires to post positive thoughts and discussions have been pinging in my chest both yesterday and today. I want to share that I am happy about a new position that I have started training for and working on at the company with which I am employed. I am now a transcriber, and so far I am enjoying it. Having a big head I also kind of enjoyed my friends from the floor telling me that they would miss me, since I am being holed away back in transcription. (I am SUCH a garbanzo bean! Me and my ego.) But, I really will try to make it a point to go see them on breaks as much as I can. Hmm...

Anywho. As much as I am in elan about the new position (which actually may not be definite, depending on how I perform during training, but so far, so good), recent events have weighed on me internally. A couple in my church family lost one of their grown daughters who was married with children of her own. She was not much older than me. What to say or do? And, this may not seem as heavy to some, my siblings and I found out that the only dog that we have ever lived with and intimately cared for passed away in November. Life is crazy, so the reasons that we didn't find out until now are crazy, but for the sake of brevity (hahaha), irrelevant. If you know me, you know. [Divorce sucks the life and souls out of people!]

Sister told me of the thing the other night when I went to visit after work. Mom and we kiddies were sent a picture of Ben (our big, lovable, lug of a dog) that was taken in our old back yard Before. It's a very good picture of him. There is a message that was typed on the picture that is addressed to us from Ben. For the most part my brain is very much fixed on the present moment. When Ben had to leave us, I didn't think about the fact that I would most likely not see him again. This almost makes me mad. Not at any person, that I can tell, but just at the situations. [Insert euphemisms here!] Maybe it's a mixed emotional cocktail with a splash of regret thrown in too. I didn't try to keep in contact very well, though it might not have mattered. Truly, I wouldn't whether or not it would have mattered unless I had tried harder to keep in touch. [Cry of Job here!] It's not the end of the world for us. But, Ben was also important to the person who sent us the picture of him. Ben was probably one of the few, if not only, companions that he had. I don't know that for sure. I do know that he dearly loved Ben. [gnashing of teeth!]

Well, brevity indeed! I am so tired. I have to work tomorrow too. Then there are more things to do after work.

#1- hug Mom, Sister, Brother, and Little Sister bunches!

I need sleep. I need a shoulder. I need to grow up.

I need you, Lord!

Incredible Lemony Saw Hitch Hide and Seek

2005-03-03T04:04:00.000-06:00

I don't know if I can make any sense this early in the morning. Sleep will hopefully be achieved in no more than twenty minutes, but I have been wanting to post for some time now and felt compelled to indulge now while I am awake. There are many things that I have wanted to talk about, but haven't been able to, so this post might be a bit copious. My apologies in advance.

HouseholdMotherFigure(HMF) and I saw The Incredibles this evening. What a "WICKED!" movie! *big grin* BBB was going to try to see it with us, but was unable to this time. We will have to be more... resourceful next time.
I have very slowly been able to stop some of the bad habits that tormented me. And this was not accomplished through active pursuit of a goal. I have prayed about these things before, and I just got too busy to worry about getting upset with myself when I backslid. Then, I just got too busy to backslide!
I have replaced some of the aforementioned discarded habits with new ones, though not so odious. The first is the habit of sleeping in my car. Everyone is different, but I really like the feeling that I get when I first slip into my car when it has been sitting in the sun on a mild, but sunny day. It feels similar to a sauna, probably aided by the leather seats that retain heat well. It's very relaxing. I used this method to get some much needed rest while I was quite sick. The way that this has become bad is because I missed my Spanish class on Monday. Unfortunately, I did not do it unintentionally either. I woke up in time to get to class, but I decided that I was too tired to try. Shame on me.
The second bad habit is of course wasting my time. I have been reading a lot of my friends' blogs, and just random blogs. I'm a very curious person and I suppose I feel a little bit more connected to them when I read about what is going on and how they feel about it. But, I have been spending more time doing that than I need to.
The doctor prescribed another round of antibiotics because of the condition of my right ear. Hearing has increased in my right ear, but there is still a good deal of distortion, which makes things confusing, though I have kind of enjoyed it. Things just sound a little different. I have also had the chance to bug more people by repeating either, "Huh?" or "What did you say?"
BBB and HMF said something the other night to the affect that I have ADD, or something similar. I cannot disagree. There is not enough evidence that I can think of to refute this hypothesis, and there is a fairly substantial amount of evidence to corroborate their assertion.
I went to the mall with a friend from work today (well, technically yesterday) and noticed another bad habit that I have probably carried for a while: I seem to enjoy pointing out my flaws. Repeatedly. Certainly there is no problem with honesty and airing some dissatisfactions with oneself, in an attempt to improve upon these qualities. However, there is only so much whining that some people can stand, she didn't say anything about it, and I may be over-analyzing the situation. Still, while trying to get to know someone and become better friends with them, it would probably be better to just enjoy each other's company and "accentuate the positive."(that is such a cool song! The Andrew's Sisters were some amazing ladies! And Bing Crosby sang that song with them as well.)

Well, enough about me. "Sleep shall fall across my eyes as an anvil graces itself on the crown of an unsuspecting cartoon character." Perhaps it shall not be that hard to snatch some Z's, but just in case I will try to thing like McGyver. Or at least make use of one of the numerous Wally World bags that has accumulated in my room. I really need to put those things away. Actually, I really need to clean my room. And do my homework. And spend more time with the siblings. And remember to ask them what Dad asked me to ask them, but I forgot to ask them and so will have to ask them tomorrow evening after work. Did I mention that I AM going to sleep now? G'night and may God bless you!

More Interesting Internet Blog Stuff

2005-03-03T03:17:00.000-06:00

I have been doing some of "those" online quizzes, as evidenced by the perty picture and corny text below. It doesn't really mean much to me, though it is nice to hear positive, encouraging words. I suppose that you can only take these kinds of things for as much as they worth (How else would I be able to get a unicorn picture on my page? I know. Not a good reason.)

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Interesting Internet Blog Stuff

2005-03-03T03:16:00.000-06:00

you are orchid
#DA70D6

Your dominant hues are red and blue. You're confident and like showing people new ideas. You play well with others and can be very influential if you want to be.

Your saturation level is lower than average - You don't stress out over things and don't understand people who do. Finishing projects may sometimes be a challenge, but you schedule time as you see fit and the important things all happen in the end, even if not everyone sees your grand master plan.

Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

Magenta, Burgundy, Flame, Brick

2005-02-27T03:58:00.000-06:00

I attended, and participated in, my first ever Bunko game last night. It was a lot of fun! I have read about it in the paper and heard about it from friends, but I never really knew just what Bunko was about, or how to play. Well, the game itself is fun, but it was also a lot of fun getting to meet the ladies that were there, and to visit with some old friends that I have not seen for a while. And Sister got to come! Sister won two times, her winnings being some lovely candles, and Antipasti book, two bottles of red nail polish, two red ink pens, and some red M&Ms, among the ones that I can remember. I one once, but my prize was a really cool red plaid purse with black stripes. I was telling sister that I need to get a skirt to match, some fishnet hose, black boots, and I would have a really sweet outfit. (This special outfit would probably only be worn to go to the movies with Sister and Brother or BBB; or to walk around the house singing some Nancy Sinatra tune to myself.)

The theme of the party, if you haven't already caught it, was "Shades of Red." We were to wear something red (I wore my read "Nashville" t-shirt; not very dressy, but quite red), many of the foods were red (like the Red Velvet Cake: Yum!), and most of the decorations and gifts were red or had red in them. The nails of the fingers typing this entry are currently bright red, as Sister painted them with the nail polish that she won. Loads of fun!

There have been a number of fun/nice things this week. Getting to talk with old friends, spend some more time getting to know new friends, and the possibility of a new job with the company that I work for. It is not a certain thing, but I am supposed to talk to a lady about a data-entering position on Monday. Excitement and exhaustion are swirling around in me right now. As well as more blood sugar than I care to think about right now. Hopefully not too much. I do not currently have blood sugar problems, but I do need to keep an eye on my health, which is really always a good idea anyway.

Well, I am speaking from a partial delirium at this point, so there really is no focus to this writing that I can discern. So, I will try to get some good sleep so that I will be awake and alert and ready to learn in church tomorrow. I hope that you all have a good night and may God bless you!

Woe is My Bank Account

2005-02-18T16:40:00.000-06:00

Well, I am sure that it is not too bad, and as things go, there are plenty of other things that could be worse. Today will be the third day that I have not gone into work because of being sick. It isn't much fun sitting around the house being bored to tears and aching to pieces. But, I felt that it would still be better than going to work and spreading even more germs in an already germ-saturated environment. It would also be quite embarrasing if gross stuff was oozing out of my ears onto my desk, telephone, or anything else at work. That would just be digusting and humiliating. There is still quite a bit of otic discharge, though the turbidity and viscosity of the oozings have changed (Does anyone know if I am using these terms appropriately? If I was going for word count I could say that the stuff coming out of my ear is thicker in consistency and somewhat more vivid in coloring, not so watery. Yeah, I think that those words are used correctly, shorter.)

However, despite the amount of gunk that is coming out, the swelling and pain have decreased considerably. I am hoping that the gunk will decrease too, but I think that I will need to exercise some of that patience that I prayed for. That is also an interesting topic: patience, more specifically, praying for patience. I have joked about it with friends at church and school. Some people say that you should not pray for patience because God, being a generous, loving God who does desire to answer our prayers, will most certainly put you in situations that will teach you patience. How else would we end up with gridlocked rush hour traffic and those terrible afterschool grocery lines. Some of those people probably prayed for patience. I know that I am trying to be funny, but truly, a lot of my prayers have been answered, especially the ones for patience. You might not believe it, but I could tell you some funny....

I am beginning to go off on a tangent. I have been reading some other blogs, and some of the postings are very long. I don't think that this is bad, but I don't think that it would be fair to inflict too much of my ways of thinking on you all at once. It should be more gently, gradually done. Otherwise I would probably be receiving more complaints of nightmares, acute paranoia, and toe jambs in conjunction with reading my blog. Thankfully, that has not been the case yet. Or you know, it could just be the antibiotics talking. When I talked with Sister a little bit earlier this afternoon, we were both a little bit crazy. BBB said that I was just punch drunk: maybe from the earache? Well, I don't know. I do know that I look forward to being a wholly healthy person again soon.

If I don't get better very soon, I may not have any money at all. Then how would I buy my spinach? If you see anything about the National Spinach for Fiona campaign, I hope that you will open your hearts, and your pocketbooks, to aid in this terrible situation. But, until you hear about that, please seriously keep the Asian tsunami victims in your prayers, and check out some of the ways that people have helped, and maybe some ways that you can help. May God bless our combined efforts!

I Will Live to Love Another Day

2005-02-17T16:56:00.000-06:00

Ya know, I don't know if there really are that many people out there that are cornier than I am. You see, I am a lover and not a fighter, therefore I will live to love, and not fight another day. I might have said, "I Will Fight to Live Another Day." In most situations, that is what I would do. Though, honestly I would love to live another day too, but as mama always used to say, "Life is like a box of chocolates; other people have already taken one bite and left the half-eaten ones that they didn't like." Isn't that what your mother always said to you? Hmm, it must be a southern thing.

The point that I am not really trying to make is that when I saw the doctor on Wednesday, which I believe was yesterday, he just said that I have an infection in my ear (didn't mention if it was related to my head cold), granted, a really gross infection. My right ear has been "weeping" for two days now, and sometimes the tears are a little red. Yech! It was enough to have BBB, Sister, and myself rather worried. But, no fear: the doctor prescribed some antibiotics for the infection, and another prescription for the pain, only to be taken as needed so that I can sleep. If the pain isn't too bad, I should be able to sleep without it. This being the second day that I have taken the antibiotics, the swelling around my eustachian tube already seems to have significantly decreased, and the earache is not so agonizingly painful as it had been, though there is still a steady stream of drainage.

There is also wonderful news to be shared: ¡Hoy es el cumpleaños de mi mejor amiga! I am not certain if the grammar is correct, but today BBB and I are the same age! Probably for as long as I have known her it has always seemed to me that she is the older of the two of us. It may be because she is more mature and because I often seem to look younger than I am. I am not certain, but there is probably also a degree of respect involved in this perception as well. In many ways I look up to her (yup, she's taller than me too; who isn't?). And if she is reading this, HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIDDO!!

Agony, Misery, and Woe

2005-02-16T03:52:00.000-06:00

I hope that you do not mind permitting me a little melodrama. I will try to contain myself as much as I can, but I feel somewhat awful right now. Anything but the vaguest sense of temporal passage has left me, so I am not certain of specific dates, but I believe that it was a little more than a week ago that I first fell ill. Fell ill hard. As of last Thursday I felt quite recovered, enough to go to work on Saturday. Well, as you might know, I did not take as good of care of myself as I should have once I got to feeling better. Ironically enough, I neither got enough sleep nor water. I don't know how much those factors came into play, but I started to feel icky again at work on Saturday. I was well enough to make it to church on Sunday, but decided not to stay for the evening service in favor of coming home and sleeping.

Monday found me sniffling a little bit more, but I made it through school and work without too much trouble. However, when I awoke Tuesday morning, before my alarm even went off, I felt about as good as though I had been turned into sausage in my sleep. Apparently I had not even begun to understand how bad one can feel, because shortly after I cleaned up, I developed an awful earache. Not a dull, mild pain, but an awful, agonizing ache. I had a test in Chemistry, and we cannot make up tests, so I decided to go ahead and take the test but skip lab. This will probably (hopefully) be my lowest test grade of the semester. It is hard to concentrate on balancing addition reactions between alkanes and halogens when you feel like your own head is undergoing a series of combustion reactions.

After the test I just came home, took a couple of ibuprofen tablets and tried to sleep, which wasn't easy either. But, after sleeping for about forty-five minutes in my car, since it was nice and toasty from being out in the sun, I came inside and slept for another three or four hours. My ear was somewhat numb and I couldn't hear very well out of it when BBB took me out to dinner, followed by a short roam around a local bookstore before she had to go to work. Sleep has since been somewhat elusive. I took two more ibuprofen before trying to lie down again. Around midnight my ear felt like it was starting to drain, so I put some paper towels under that ear and have been trying to lie only on that side. I do have a doctor's appointment tomorrow(actually, later today), for the first time in a few years. Let us hope that it is not anything too serious. It's miserable feeling miserable.

My love to Sister, Brother, and Little Sister: I hope that you all are feeling better!

"I Would Like to Thank..."

2005-02-11T01:05:00.000-06:00

Well, if there are any foreign invading microbes left in my body that are related to the ones that caused my weekend episode of ill health, they are on the decline. I feel better today than I have for a while. I was able to make it through school and work with few problems. Also, I found out at work that one of the supervisors nominated me for a recognition of good work. Me!? Yeah, I am still fairly shocked, but I am also grateful that they think I am doing a good job, even if it is only the one supervisor. Some days I feel like I am not doing a very good job at all, though I s'pose that many things are that way.

Actually, this kind of inspires me to do a better job at work, to try harder. To me it is similar to making a good grade in school or having some other kind of reward for going, studying, and doing the work: it makes me want to continue to improve, to work harder.

Speaking of which, this will be a short entry because I have Spanish homework to do. Buenas Noches!

Is Some Explanation Needed?

2005-02-09T17:21:00.000-06:00

Probably not. One of the potentionally annoying facets of me is that I like to over-explain things sometimes. To get to the point, the reason that the previous entry has its title - Back in [Sn]ac[k]tion - is because there was this awful monster en mi estómago que se llama hambre (in my stomach calling itself hunger) just before I went to Spanish class! Ya see, I accidentally slept until about twenty-five minutes until my first class started this morning. Since I would already be late, and my teacher already knows that I was sick, I contemplated sleeping in and skipping my first class. However, I rose up, put my books in my bag, threw on something mostly decent, and headed for the door. I did grab a package of cheese crackers to eat on the way, and I drank a small glass of juice. So, that's why my tummy was a bit rumbly. If one is built like a work horse, one cannot subsist on a breakfast like that to get them through five or six hours.

When I got home from school I had a lovely lunch of black beans and sliced hot dogs, with a piece of wheat bread, and about a half cup of 'nilla ice cream with some cubes of cantaloupe. That poor acid-swimming monster has been quieted.

CHALLENGED: Your beloved Fair One has been challenged by another blogger, one Super Fox, a mischievous mastermind of uncharted neuronal activity levels! As of Monday, February 7, 2005, she posted her challenge for myself to a mental duel of sorts. I have accepted this dare. If you wish to know the nature of her challenge, or wish to accept the challenge yourself, I would direct you to her entry containing said provocation, Recovered and Soon to be BACK IN ACTION!!!

At the present time, I need to go accept another challenge: I have chores that I need to be about doing. So, I hope that you have a wonderful day!

(P.S. And thank you for continuing to give me a reason for continuing to write this blasted blog. If you didn't read this blog, what other poor soul would be kind enough to suffer through my dillusions of grandeur? You do a good job! In fact, you deserve a raise! I think about 2.5 % more than I pay you now would be appropriate. And is that a new shirt that you're wearing? Don't you look spiffy! *wink* Seriously, lovies to each of you!)

Back in [Sn]ac[k]tion!

2005-02-09T13:45:00.000-06:00

I don't think that the title is that good, but this is a quickie. The illness that washed over me this past weekend is waning, so I am at school. I have Spanish class in just a few minutes. I was also able to make it through Chemistry class and the lab yesterday rather uneventfully. A few sniffles here and there, maybe a cough or two. Our HMF(HouseholdMotherFigure) gave me some good decongestant/cough suppressant before I left for school, and that helped tremendously!

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to make it through my regular shift at work last night. The medicine had probably worn off because the sniffling, near-sneezing, and coughing would not be subsided. Thankfully, the supervisors were understanding.

Well, I better get to class.

Quiero apprender hablar espanol.

Continuing Neocortical Degradation

2005-02-07T13:24:00.000-06:00

I might be acting a little overdramatic about the whole neocortical-apoptosis-thing. (And if you are wondering just what "apoptosis" means, http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=apoptosis has some fairly good definitions.) However, it is Monday, and I am still sick. For the good of mankind I have decided to stay home from school and work today, but I really hope that I get better soon. I have Chemistry class tomorrow!

If you must know, my current state of being is that of a drippy, coughy, sneezing, wheezing, digusting body of germ-ridden, snot-spewing, aching human flesh. "But," I hear you ask, " does your mouth feel clean?" To that I respond that you must ask yourself a question: "Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?!" Now really, what kind of question is that to ask of someone that is ill? Of course my mouth doesn't feel clean. The sinuses that are towards the back of the roof of my mouth are kind of stinging because of all the drainage, and my inner ears feel about the same way.

But, other than all that, I am unfortunately quite mentally alert and raring to go. In fact, I woke up at about 2:30 am this morning. I couldn't get back to sleep, and my alarm wasn't set to go off until 6:30 am, becuase I had every intention of feeling better and going to school. Things that I needed to remember, that I wanted to write to people, certain homework problems, and movie musicals were swirling through my congested, germy little head. I may have been able to snatch one or two more zz's after I got some cough medicine and laid back down, but I mostly just lay there trying to clear my mind. Sorrier am I that I was unable even to go to church yesterday, that's how sick I was.

On the bright side, I cannot be sick forever. I am hoping that I will be well enough to participate in humanity (and Chemistry) again by tomorrow, or at the latest Wednesday. Until then, I will continue to brush and floss my teeth so that once again I may be able to tell you that, truly, my mouth does feel clean!

And what a happy day that will be.

Sad Side of Still Somewhat Sick

2005-02-06T00:06:00.000-06:00

I am still somewhat sick, as I have been all day today. Right now, I am just puttering around on the computer and listening to my favorite Christian rock/urban music radio show. What's really cool is that the station is just down about five minutes drive from here. And you can call or e-mail in requests for songs that you would like to hear. So, though I am still fair-to-middlin' in terms of physical homeostasis and comfort, I am enjoying listening to the songs that I like.

Almost everyone at home is sick, even Little Sister. She's really pretty miserable. I don't remember much of what it is like to be young and yucky-feeling, but I know from seeing and listening to her that it is a draining experience. The little girl that you usually cannot get to sit down for more than a few minutes, she barely had the energy to walk from the diningroom table to the kitchen. She's just pooped. I know that Sister and Brother are only feeling a little bit better. I got to bug Brother while he was trying to do the dishes, and even earlier when he was helping to put away the groceries. Sister, Brother, and Little Sister are the most awesome siblings. I could not get better siblings if I searched, paid money, or gave up internal organs.

While I did not feel 100%, I still felt well enough to push myself a bit. I did some more of those exercises that are supposed to be beneficial to my back, and then I also went for a 40-minute, easy-paced walk, followed by a roughly 15-minute split, round-trip bike ride. I took a long break to read and catch my breathe, but I didn't feel too bad. However, I did get a ride home from mommy: I am, in the end, usually a bit of a wimp.

BIG NEWS: Tobymac's new album, Welcome to Diverse City, is now out in stores. Though I have not heard all of the songs yet, it's Tobymac. I would like to give my officious stamp of approval and strong recommendation to this album. If you have the opportunity, check it out; it will definitely be worth your buck and your time. The website is http://www.tobymac.com.

The Past Week (or so) in Review

2005-02-05T00:40:00.000-06:00

Hoy es viernes. There is a beautiful weekend ahead: nice weather, no school, no work. And I am sick. I understand that this kind of thing happens. What can you do?

Honestly, I do not mind being sick. I may or may not have mentioned this before, but I enjoy being sick, for a couple of reasons. First of all, I am sick so infrequently that the respite from good health often helps me appreciate that good health all the more. Another reason is that I tend to take better care of myself when I am feeling under the weather. Por ejemplo: today, after coming home from school coughing, I called in to excuse myself from work tonight. While I was eating lunch, I also thumbed through the March issue of Runner's World. There were all kinds of cool articles, but there was one about abdominal exercises that caught my eye. It offered two good exercises to do if you have lower back pain. I do. It sometimes causes sleeping problems because my hips will become sore as well, and I sometimes have pain sitting in the chairs at school or work, I think from my weak back muscles. After letting my lunch set for a while I did one set each of the exercises, as well as some push-ups. Feeling a little bit better, I also took a long, warm soak, cleaned me hair (which was all greasy and icky), and did some of my reading for my Philosophy class.

Our HouseholdMotherFigure(HMF) came home this evening, feeling even worse than I do, but she helped me to feel better. She gave me some cough medicine, which has been MUCH help, and some Vicks Vaporub to help a little more. I do feel better!

~~<@>~~~<@>~~~<@>~~~<@>~~~<@>~~

After napping for about two hours, I tried to fight waking for about 15 minutes, but I am not a very good fighter. Even though I do feel a little sluggish, my brain still feels like it's going full-speed ahead. I ate a yummy dinner of steamed broccoli and plum, a slice of salmon loaf, and a toasted piece of wheat bread. I had some sweet and sour sauce to go with the cooked plum and broccoli : Mmm, Mmm, Mm! (Probably somewhat to my detriment, there are few occasions when I do NOT have an appetite.) Having been perked a little bit by an easy-down supper, I have checked me e-mail and am itching to write. So, I will try to give a brief (HA!) update on the past week's developments.

SATURDAY, Jan. 29th: Local department store had a very good sale. I spent probably $5 more than I needed to, but I don't regret it. Good buys. Later, Little Sister and I walked up to the library, had a good time reading a book called Scranimals, about funny animal/animal and animal/fruit or vegetable combinations (Potatoad, Rhinocerose, etc.). Even Later, Brother and I went to a Christian rock concert. Brother a little sick, but we had a good time. Blessed to get to go. Met local Christian rock radio DJ's after concert. Cool guys.

SUNDAY, Jan. 30th: Church. Visited with Dad. Choir practice. Fifth Sunday Sing at church. Fellowship after service. Visited family: all sick :( .

MONDAY, Jan. 31st: School. Work.

TUESDAY, Feb. 1st: Took tax papers to Grandma. Her tax man is going to do my taxes as well. (Does anyone here Handel?) School. Work. Hung out with BBB after work.

WEDNESDAY, Feb. 2nd: School. NO WORK! Got some stuff done around the house. Cut some bangs for myself. Kept myself from cutting ALL my hair off. Helped Sister with Chemistry homework. Short church: most of us went to the visitation of a dear member of the church who passed away on Monday. I did not know him very well, but he was a kind, funny, godly man. Helped Sister some more with Chemistry, though probably not that much help. Hung out with BBB again :) .

THURSDAY, Feb. 3rd: Ate lunch with a dear older friend. She made us some chicken salad sandwiches. School. Work. ALIEN[microbe]S TOOK OVER MY BODY, FOLDED SOME OF MY LAUNDRY, DID SOME OF MY CHEMISTRY HOMEWORK, AND CONTEMPLATED THE MEANING OF THE UNIVERSE, LEAVING MY CEREBRAL CORTEXT IN A SHAMBLES!!

And we are now back to today: School. Stayed home sick from work. Aside from feeling like I have a bit of neocortical apoptosis going on, I feel that I have mentally recovered from Thursday. I am not certain exactly what happened, but it was a little bit scary. Chemistry homework AND folding my laundry? Oh my, I think that I also emptied the bathroom trash can! Maybe I shouldn't worry about getting better too quickly.

I will now go brush and floss my teeth, smear on some Vick's, and count my blessings.

He Did It Again!

2005-01-28T01:16:00.000-06:00

Mr. Most-Awesome-Chemistry-Teacher did it again. This afternoon in class, he performed a demonstration of combustion. He made something 'splode! He did it last semester too, in our first semester chemistry class. He told everyone to move to the back of the class and he put a large, probably 50-gallon, glass jug on the desk with a small amount of fuel in it, and then ignited it with a match. The ensuing explosion blew out the ceiling tile above his desk. CHEMISTRY ROCKS!!

On the serious side, he did explain what took place on the molecular level, how it wasn't just the fuel catching fire, but it was the combination of the evaporated fuel and the oxygen that it had mixed with inside of the jug. In fact, dear children, that is what combustion is: "the burning of a fuel by oxidation with oxygen in the air (according to my textbook, Fundamentals of General, Organic, and Biological Chemistry, 4th ed., McMurry and Castellion)." We also learned about chlorofluorocarbons today, how they cause pollution. CHEMISTRY ROCKS!!

Okay, I had better get myself hence to sleep before anyone reads this and decides to defenestrate me, again. I hope that you have a good night, and dream of lovely, correctly balanced chemical equations!

Forensic Nursing is a Possibility

2005-01-26T11:16:00.000-06:00

I have really not done very much research as to what kinds of career I might be getting into as a nurse, but one of the options that I have briefly looked into is that of forensic nursing. According to the International Association of Forensic Nurses, "Forensic Nursing is the application of nursing science to public or legal proceedings; the application of the forensic aspects of health care combined with the bio-psycho-social education of the registered nurse in the scientific investigation and treatment of trauma and/or death of victims and perpetrators of abuse, violence, criminal activity and traumatic accidents."

Those who know me well, and you know who you are, could tell you that for quite a while I wanted to be a forensic pathologist. The most likely career paths here would be a coroner or medical examiner, depending on the resident state's system. North Carolina Wesleyan College's Forensic Pathology Information Page lists establishing the cause and estimating the time of death, inferring the type of weapon used, and establishing the identity of the deceased, among the responsibilities of a forensic pathologist. As well as I can remember, and what I have recounted to those who were willing to listen, I have wanted to be a forensic pathologist since about the fifth grade. And there were a number of influencing factors:

My interest in anything morbid and dark

Characters on shows that I watched with mom

A developing (though weak) analytical curiosity

I liked the idea of helping to "solve" a crime and catch the bad people

Since I have more recently fallen into an interest in the broad field of nursing, I though that I had perhaps left this previous childhood ambition behind. However, a career in forensic nursing sounds like it might be just the ticket. I still am not certain of just what I will be doing. It will require a lot more prayer, listening, learning, and not wretching. Can I do it? Not on my own. But I am looking forward to seeing what I will be doing.

I better start by not being lazy and going to class. Have a good day and may God bless you according to His abundant mercy!

You Like What?!

2005-01-25T01:38:00.000-06:00

A few semesters ago, two to be exact, I was very blessed to be in the class of an amazing composition teacher. She asked to keep journals, though not a daily journal like a diary. Occasionally she would give us a topic to write on. One of the assignments was something like, "List 50 things that make you happy." That was one of our first assignments, as I remember, because we also used it as an ice breaker in class. She had us say our name and one thing off of the list. I chose "hanging upside down." I do enjoy hanging upside.

Well, today in philosophy we barely touched on the nature of certainty, or the question, "Is there any one thing certain?" Our teacher pretty much got it down to saying that the only certain thing is that thoughts occur. I don't know precisely how I tied these two ideas together in my head, but there have been a few times when people said that they want to get to know me better, so they ask me what I like, or what makes me happy. As I knew when I was doing that assignment for my composition teacher, what makes me happy today won't necessarily be the same thing that makes me happy next year, next month, next week, tomorrow, or even an hour from now (an hour from now, sleep will be the number one thing on my happy list).

So, giving a nod to the fluid nature of my mind's judgement of pleasing items, activities, and thoughts, a current, up to the moment (as of 11:42:24 pm 1-24-05) list would look something like this (for the most part in no specific order):

Being a Christian
Being able to freely live a Christian life
Chemistry class with Mr. Most-awesome-chemistry-teacher-ever
Spanish class with Ms. Wonderful-spanish-teacher
Running
Eating ice cream
Spinach
New socks
New crayons
Drawing
Showing people my drawings, and them liking the drawings
Writing
Reading
Learning
Pretending that I can juggle
Hanging out with BBB
Chillin' with Sis, Bro, and Lil Sis
Sharp Cheddar cheese, tomatoes, and turkey
Going to church
Listening to music
Christian rock/urban music
Listening to Lil Sis talk about animals
Playing with my hair
Having my hair styled/braided by someone else
Making music with my nose
Root beer
Cinnamon Raisin bread
Watching movies with Sis, Bro, Lil Sis, and BBB
Talking on the phone with good friends
Taking care of my car
Bicycling
Pretending that I'm Evil Knievel's granddaughter
Talking with Grandma
Cooking
Making things
Helping out those who need help
Being right
Watching time/nature/mutant squirrels/life/people go by
Listening to BBB tell a story
Listening to Sis or Bro tell a story
Telling Lil Sis a story
Remembering
Playing with make-up
Using big words
Learning new big words
Trying to speak Spanish
Flirting with birds, cats, or dogs
Driving the back way home from school to see the horses
Driving Lil Sis the back way home from school to show her the horses
Spending time with the whole family!

That is not even remotely close to being anything like a nearly complete list of things that I enjoy or that make me happy. There millions of billions of other things that I enjoy, from general to specific, but I don't think that I have the time. I will instead start a new list:

ZzzzzzzzzZzzzzZzzzzZzzZzzZzzZzzZz z z z z z z...

P.S. What do you like? Do you have your own list of 50 things that you really like? Maybe a more modest list of 49 or so? If you would like to share it, just post a comment to this entry, or if you know it, you can e-mail me. Just be sure to put Re: Blog Post "You Like What?!" in the subject line. Have a very enjoyable and blessed day!

Baby Powder!

2005-01-20T13:05:00.000-06:00

My car smells like baby powder. This is something that I am proud of. I feel a little bit bad though, because last post I was talking about how I felt that I am a somewhat frugal person. I don't know if this blows that whole conception out of the water, but yesterday I took my car to one of the local "full-service" car washes to be cleaned, vacuumed, polished, and deodorized. I also have a problem with one of the mirrors, and they put tape over it to prevent any damage. They did a wonderful job!

The car that I drive is a nice car, no question. There isn't any sunroof, no CD player, but it does have AC and heat, a decent AM/FM stereo, and a tape player. And it gets me where I need to go quickly and safely. However, I had been neglecting it aesthetically. Sure, it got an oil change and new wiper blades a week or two ago, but it was SOOOOOO dirty. It hadn't had a bath in probably a few months. You may think, "so what?", but when I stayed with the lady to whom the car originally belonged, she took pride in having not just an efficient car, but a clean, unsmelly car. In a way, I felt like I was disobeying, or disregarding her by not keeping the car clean. I am glad that it is clean again. Hopefully I can keep it clean for a while.

Speaking of which, I think that I need to go get my self cleaned up. *Pee Yew!*

Frugal, Frugal, Frugal!!!

2005-01-14T16:11:00.000-06:00

I don't know what the quantitative difference is between being frugal and just being cheap; it probably is not that substantial. But there is probably a more meaningful difference between the qualitative characteristics of frugality and cheapness. I am a somewhat frugal person. I base this self-evaluation on the following facts:

I try not to spend money unless the item being purchased is a necessity
I do not think that the world will come to an end if I make a few spontaneous purchases (emphasis on FEW)
I like to recycle anything that can be recycled (plastic bottles, plastic bags, cereal boxes, newspaper, jewelry)
I look for the best deal while maintaining good quality as well.

But, for the sake of equitable argument, is there really anything wrong with being cheap (here this word means the opposite of being a spendthrift; one does not only NOT spend money wrecklesses, but one is quite guarded in their finances and makes very few to no extravagant purchases, and on average, does not pay more than the lowest price for any item or service). According to http://dictionary.reference.com, synonyms for "cheap" are, "stingy" and "miserly." I feel that more often than not, the colloguial connotation of the word "cheap" is somewhat different from its dictionary denotation.

All this to say that, while I do not see myself being as regimented in dealing with my money, I feel a good deal of respect for people who are able to be so disciplined. We are almost constantly bombarded with advertisements about things that we "absolutely must have, can't live without," when in reality, most of us already have more than we know what to do with sometimes. I am thankful for what I have, and thankful that if I need to, I am able to purchase new things. I don't want to take what I have as if it is my right to have it, and nothing less. I could be living on chewy leaves, crunchy bugs, and small helpless rodents in the middle of a remote forest.

The only problem then would be keeping the toilet paper clean and dry.

(And you're thinking, " I had to read ALL of that, for THAT punchline?!" Be relieved: School is starting again soon and I will not be able to post as frequently. "Ahhhh")

Shout out to Daddy!

2005-01-12T12:15:00.000-06:00

I did not know that I had not given my dad the link to my blog, but now I have. If you are able to read this page, Dad, HI!! If you are someone other than my dad, you can still read this page to, I don't mind. I know that my adoring public all wish access to my great and magnificent thoughts. Well, that's all that I can come up with for now. I must go rest and recuperate my great-thought-thinking-area of my brain before I return.

Perhaps a nice swim would revive me.

Au reservoir!!

Sexual Harassment on Wheels

2005-01-10T01:59:00.000-06:00

When I saw them, I told Brother and Sister that this would be the title of my next post, which is this post. I was thinking that another viable title might be "Chivalry is Victim in Honk and Run." This may become a bit of a tirade, but going by what I know of my nature, I don't think that it will be too terribly mean.

The stimulus for this post was an incident that took place this afternoon when I was walking to meet Sister and Brother. I was just walking down one of the more trafficked streets in our city, minding my own business, when a car that turned onto the street from one of the local fast-food eateries honked. It was one of those weird sounds that resembles and electric version of the familiar whistled "cat call." I did my best to not respond in any fashion to this behavior, other than to silently start plotting this post. There have not been too many similar occasions, but in the few instances that such a thing has happened, it has really upset me. Perhaps irritated is the better word. I just don't like that behavior, and hope that Brother is learning that this is demeaning behavior.

I know that I have heard strict lectures on the degredation and objectification of women, and that it is this kind of thing that is both the cause of and caused by these unpleasant socio-cultural shifts in view. Each time a man or boy sees another male treating women like this, even if he doesn't feel that this behavior is appropriate, witnessing the behavior itself can be a reinforcing factor for these harmful viewpoints.

"You act too much like their mommy, and you're not," has been an oft heard cry from friends in reference to the way that I sometimes treat my siblings. But I care about them very much. To me it is as important to talk to your kids about the way they treat other people as it is to talk to them about sex, drugs, drinking, and all those other big talks. Brother is a wonderful young man (way too funny and smart, but still an okay guy), and my hope is that he will stay a nice guy.

Seriously, most chicks dig nice guys even more than nice cars (heard so on the radio)! Just don't forget to wear matching shoes when you go on dates.

^-1:$-2:^-3:<-3:$-2:*-2:^-1 _ <-1:<-3:$-2 _ #-3:$-3:#-2 !

2005-01-09T16:10:00.000-06:00

*-2:+-2:&-3:^-1 _ $-2:#-2:*-2:<-3:&-1 _ &-3:^-1 _ +-1:<-1:<-3:*-2:&-3:<-1:*-3:*-3:&-1 _ $-2:#-2:^-3:<-3:&-1:+-1:*-2:$-2:*-1 . ^-3:<-1:#-2 _ &-1:@-3:$-3 _ ^-3:<-3:<-1:^-3:^-2 _ *-2:+-2:$-2 _ ^-3:@-3:*-1:$-2 ?

You might be checking your computer and monitor for problems right now, or you might be trying to reload the window, just to make sure that everything is okay. I assure you, everything is fine. I am pretty sure that Sister will know what this is as soon as she reads it. You know now too, don't you? Codes and encryption are a lot of fun as kids, especially back in the good old days when we would save up proofs-of-purchase to send in to bye little plastic decoders. I think that we once had a Spiderman decoder.

Sister, Brother, and I have made a modest number of codes ourselves, usually nothing too complex, but something fun to work on. Sister is quite good at this. The code that I have used is based on one of the recent codes that Sister made.

Along with Sister's encrypted letter that she gave me not too long ago, I have been thinking about secrets. The movie that we saw the other night, Shall We Dance? talked about secrets a little bit. My memory was jogged this morning when I came into Sunday School(late as usual *sheepish grin*), and there on the table was a package for me. I don't know who it is from exactly, but I know that it is one of the ladies in the church. We started something last Sunday called "Secret Pals" for the women in the church. We wrote down information about ourselves on forms that were folded and put in a basket, and then each lady drew out one of the forms, making certain that it wasn't her own. Over the course of the next twelve months we have promised to do or send a little something to our "Secret Pal" each month. I have some friends at other churches who have also done this kind of thing, and it seems like such a neat idea.

Well, my little package that awaited me turned out to be a beautiful Day-by-Day box calendar. Each sheet has a picture of nature with a Bible verse for that day. Also, each month has a theme, like strength, comfort, etc. It's beautiful. I wish that I could go ahead and thank the lady who gave it to me right now, but unfortunately I can't know who she is until the end of the year. That's alright. It just helped me to remember to do something for my Secret Pal.

+-2:<-1:#-1:$-2 _ <-1 _ @-1:@-3:@-3:*-1 _ @-2:$-2:$-2:^-2 , _ <-1:#-2:*-1 _ GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS!!

P.S. Each letter is comprised of a symbol(+) and a number(1) joined together by a hyphon(-). The letters are seperated by colons(:), and the words are seperated by underscores(_). If you are able to solve the code, just leave the decoded message as a comment to this entry; or if you know it, you can send it to my e-mail address. Have fun!

WARNING: Some content may not be suitable...

2005-01-09T01:17:00.000-06:00

For those with a weak anatomical constituent (esp. a heart, stomach, or other vital viscera), please look away. I suppose that this should be in the subtitle of my blog, or at least somewhere that it can be in plain sight for any poor sole that may just surf right on in here and find their constitutions filleted. On that note, I should probably add a disclaimer for those with severe allergies to bad puns as well. It's always better to err on the side of caution, as they say.

"They" also happened to say that "chick-flicks" are cheap, mushy entertainment made to feed the feeble-minded. I almost always agree with the mushy part, even when I don't necessarily agree with just what movies can fall into the category of "chick-flicks" (Braveheart anyone?). We recently viewed the picture show Shall We Dance?, which I feel is most certainly eligible for this vilified genre. Well it did have its share of mushy parts, it was not completely without substance. It preached, but it did so rather gently within the context of the story. It is a good movie.

Motion picture caliber is always debatable. But, in the grand scheme of things, it's not really worth debating. For instance, my current Top Ten (which is in constant flux due to my own chemistry, Earth's magnetic fields, and the style of Bill O'reilly's hair) probably looks something like this (in no particular order):

The Jungle Book (Disney circa 50's; always number one)
Whale Rider
Pitch Black/The Chronicles of Riddick
The Phantom Tollbooth (How cool would it be if they remade it now? Anybody have connections?)
The Professional
Brokedown Palace
Collateral
The Passion of the Christ
The Green Mile
Runaway Bride

There are only about a bazoogillion other movies that I really like, and probably a few that I might have otherwise put in my top ten, but couldn't think of. I could probably make lists upons lists of movies; My Top Ten...

Movies that I really, really, REALLY want to see... SOON
Movies that I would eventually like to get around to seeing
Movies that I am ashamed to admit I have seen
Movies that I have seen part(s) of but would like to see ALL of
Favorite Romantic, but not too "un-macho" Movies
Favorite Macho, but not too macho Movies
Favorite Train Movies
Favorite Period Movies (would Ever After and Gladiator count?)
Favorite Children's-Fictional-Books-made-into-Movies
Favorite Spine-tingly Movies

Of the last category, Sister and I agree that the 1967 film Wait Until Dark is one of the very best. Without a doubt. And Audrey Hepburn does a superb job! Wait. I thought that I began by saying that movies aren't that important. As cosmically insignificant as I believe that I believe movies to be, they are sometimes so fascinating, so distracting. And sometimes, especially in difficult, painful, or confusing times, a good distraction is very important. . . .

How else would you be able to get those fries from your stingy brother, eh?

Packing up, moving out: I want my mommy!

2005-01-06T01:41:00.000-06:00

Okay, I don't know if I can actually write anything right now and have it actually make any sense. But, I will try my best as I know that my adoring public has been without my wonderful rantings for far too long. I can deny you all no longer.

BBB and I saw the Lemony Snicket movie again today. Lots of fun! And BBB cut her hair today too. It looks cool. I kind of want to cut my hair too, but I can't just yet. Why? I want to grow it long enough to donate it. Sister did this, and it's really an awesome thing to do. I probably still have a few months to go. Now, I made a deal with Sister that when the time comes, she has the rights to chopping my hair. You are now witness to it. Yup, maybe I'll see if I can borrow a digital camera and get a picture of it on here when she does cut it off. Maybe we can even streak it with some temporary pink dye. Woohoo!

Well, the only thing that I have left is random stuff:

There are about two weeks until the next semester starts.
Sister has another Forensics thingee coming up in a few weeks.
I got sick yesterday. I even regurgitated! (Did I spell that correctly?)
Sister is going to take another ACT test in a few weeks too.
Oh yeah, Welcome to 2005!!

"...before the walls of Minas Tirith.."

2004-12-31T00:58:00.000-06:00

My doom is not decided, at least not by myself. I'm still not certain that it is completely settled, but if I had a choice I am not sure just what I would want it to be. Certainly not a heart attack from blockage, or falling and breaking myself because of frail, demineralized bones.

I think that I would like to be taking a lovely stroll on a breezy afternoon in the early fall, probably through Hot Springs, and then absentmindedly fall into a hole in the ground right in front of me. I don't know just what would do me in; probably not the direct impact, but hitting something on the way down and then landing on the injured anatomy. Or swinging from a trapeze over a faulty net.

I know that this probably sounds like a morbid discussion to have with oneself, but I have found that for myself, making light of anything helps me come to terms with it. It's sometimes easier than trying to actually explain things. As case in point, some poems are wonderful at doing just this thing, such as this jolly poem:

I Saw A Jolly Hunter
__________________

I saw a jolly hunter
With a jolly gun
Walking in the country
In the jolly sun.

In the jolly meadow
Sat a jolly hare.
Saw the jolly hunter.
Took jolly care.

Hunter jolly eager-
Sight of jolly prey.
Forgot gun pointing
Wrong jolly way.

Jolly hunter jolly head
Over heels gone.
Jolly old safety catch
Not jolly on.

Bang went the jolly gun.
Hunter jolly dead.
Jolly hare got clean away.
Jolly good, I said.

---
Charles Causley

" So let the old year die with a fond goodbye..."

2004-12-27T22:18:00.000-06:00

The New Year is coming upon us. Quickly. In like, four or five days. If I wasn't too lazy, I might look it up, but I ever so slightly wonder where the tradition of making New Year's Resolutions came from. I think that I remember hearing different tales about possible origins. One that I somewhat remember, though it may be a few traditions muddled together, is that in which people would write down the past years dissappointments, bad thoughts, fears, or sorrows, and then burn them or release them into the air via birds, balloons, or something like that. And then also making new wishes and setting new goals for the fresh year to come.

I am making another start. I am moving. I thoroughly enjoy my current living conditions with my family. In the fast few months I have had a tremendous time being the mean big sister again. And also some fun trying to be the sagacious, nurturing big sister, though not as often. (Quick aside: Brother had his wisdom teeth out today, four of them! He is doing better. He seems to be recovering well.)

Well, I am now venturing out, but not on my own. I am moving in with my best friend. I have heard from some people that we might not be best friends for long if we are going to be living together, and I have also heard the opposite from other people. For quite a while we have talked about living together, since we were younger. We had our own unique and corporate designs for what our living quarters would be. They may have been just a little bit beyond our budget, but who thinks about such minor details when you don't have to work for a living.

I am trying not to be anxious. I honestly can't think of a good reason that I should be. Some people say that any move or big change, no matter whether you view it as good or bad, has accompanying stress. Thankfully, I believe that the God that I serve is a good God, and He has always blessed me in little ways that have kept from going completely batty. He's still doing that now. Oh boy, I could tell you some amazing things that God has done on my behalf, even when I didn't realize it. I hope that He can use as much as and more than He has blessed me: it would be quite a lot of work.

Well, there are probably quite a few of us who need to work off some extra holiday calories. I'll try to knock a few out with a combination of mad dashing to pack and move and a little bit of nervous energy as well.

Danke, Gracias, Dank u, Grazie, 너를 감사하십시요, Obrigado, Merci, Σας ευχαριστούμε, Вы, and Thank you!

2004-12-27T01:12:00.000-06:00

We finished opening our Christmas presents this evening with almost all of us together. I had only opened presents from friends before tonight, but we opened the family presents tonight. The total tally so far is:

a DVD player w/remote (whoa!)
wool socks (yeah!)
a new journal
Ferrero Chocolates, and two Lindt truffles
chocolate nut fudge, sugared peanuts, and a snowman tin
an Oreo tin, pretty greeting cards, and lots of pretty hair pretties
a beautiful nativity box
beautiful red driving gloves (from Granny:)
a fold-out sewing cube
an Atkins Cookbook
$10 cash and a $10 bookstore gift card

That's quite a pull. I really tried not be giddy about unwrapping presents and reveling in the materialistic emphasis placed on the giving and receiving of Christmas present. I really like the red driving gloves, they match a beautiful red coat that I have.

It was also a lot of fun giving presents. I had some help from my sister, quite a bit actually, in picking the presents that I gave. She and I went to eat lunch with our dad today. That was pretty fun. We enjoyed selecting the presents that we gave to dad. And he seemes to like them too. Our pastor said that we often watch other people unwrap the gifts that we give them to see that they not only accept the gift, but that they also accept us. It is wonderful to know that gifts that you give, at any time of year, are needed, appreciated, and loved. Which reminds me, I have quite a few phone calls to make.

Please pray for the people in Asia that have been affected by the earthquake, its aftershocks, and their effects! And also keep the aid workers in your prayers as well as they attempt to help out.

I'm A Sad Little Woman

2004-12-26T01:37:00.000-06:00

I am actually not sure if I can use the words little or woman about myself, but they will do for now. I was invited to a party with my sister and her friends for Christmas. After eating a very good homemade dinner, we played some games about movies. I know probably more about movies that I haven't even seen than movies that I HAVE seen. I wonder if this is another sign of patheticism. Thoughts, BBB? It was SOOOOO much fun though. If only I could learn all of the important stuff that I will need to know as well as I can soak up all the useless knowledge that I have.

This was a fun day, even though I must admit that it was hard to keep in my mind for even a small amount of time what the day is meant to be celebrated for. I thought about it when I was coming back home with my aunt and cousin. Jesus came to this earth to live as a man and die for us. And He rose again to give us new life. It was so much easier to just enjoy all of the GOOOD food and company. I am glad that I will be able to go to church tomorrow. I hope that you're able to go too. I will try to write again soon. One last Merry Christmas!!

"Alright; you're a fake and I'm a phony."

2004-12-25T01:28:00.000-06:00

We are up watching Holiday Inn on the television. I suppose that spending time on the internet on Christmas Eve isn't the traditional way to interact with your family, but we're enjoying ourselves. Mother and Sister are knitting, Brother is intermittently reading over my shoulder, and I am, of course, typing an entry to this blog. I have been wondering how my friends are doing. I hope that they are doing well. Sister and I went to the store again today to pick up what I wasn't able to pay for yesterday. However, today we braved the snow and ice in my car. She is a good car, so it wasn't so bad, and a lot of the ice and snow have melted from braver, hopefully well-insured motorists driving along.

I look forward to tomorrow, getting to eat Christmas dinner with family. But, I am also hoping to be able to see some of my other family as well. You know what, I had better stop typing and go get to wrapping and cleaning. Love you all! God bless and Merry Christmas to you!